Ode to A Sexist

Another day another comment eh? So, as everyone knows I enlist comment moderation so that I don’t have to subject my readers to the same old, same old. To be perfectly honest the numbers of trollish remarks has declined substantially since I began to utilize moderation. Apparently misogynist assholes really get peeved when you don’t give them a forum in which to patronize, bully or talk down to women *shrug* go figure.

Anyway while the numbers of trollish or just plain silly remarks have substantially declined I still get a number of them. Most wind up in a file that I use to log all nasty and offensive as well as downright ridiculous comments. Every now and then though a special gem shows up that is worthy of a post. In this case I got a comment on a very old post of mine entitled The Asshole List. I did that one quite awhile ago and sometimes I get paleo-trolls who like to go through the archives and post something on a long dead post.

This fella was a winner and so I decided to keep it and respond to it directly. The comment is in bold…ready?

I am ::gasp:: a male

I’m sorry about your luck. On another note notice how his opening line is a perfect example of what we commonly recognize as the anti-feminist whine, “You hate men!” This is clearly illustrated with the *gasp* in the center. As if I am somehow appalled at the existence of a male within my space. As if I will suddenly embark upon an elaborate cleansing ritual involving hen entrails, sage and some Latin incantations to remove the male presence from my computer. Cute eh?

and I think you miss the greater point

Oh and so YOU think I missed the greater point? Well, since you have already claimed your male status it must mean that you’re correct, right? Of course, I don’t even need to read the rest of your statement because you’re a *gasp* male and therefore you MUST be correct. Well, golly gee my friend, I guess I should just sit down and be quiet so I can fully comprehend the brute logic of what you’re saying. What’s that? You didn’t read the rest of the site? Oh, well I’m sure you’re correct anyway.

Porn in and of itself is no worse than say watching a cooking show

*slaps forehead* Oh goodness gracious me! How could I have ever missed that stunning revelation with my puny little girly head! I forgot that the last time I watched Emeril Lagasse he grabbed that turkey and called it a good bitch before brutally fucking it while slapping it and telling it that it likes it. Yep, I clearly remember that episode in which he kept telling that whorish turkey, “You like that baster don’t you bitch? Take it you dirty bird”

How in the world could I have gone all these years without making the connection? Yesiree, you’re absolutely right. Cooking shows are JUST like pornography. Thank you for your wise words.

Before you rant and whine listen to my explantion.(sic)

*sigh* Well, I’m glad you reminded me before my hysterical woman hormones took over and forced me to ‘whine’ and ‘rant’ and perhaps even be *gasp* churlish. Oh and I’ll be sure to listen to your explanation because, as we all know, you’re da man! Does anyone have any smelling salts? I fear I shall be overcome with vapors from my fickle female hormones. Thank goodness this ever so studly man is around to tell me what the real deal is!

A cooking show demonstrates something that you may not currently do or have knowledge of

*nods enthusiastically* Yes, Yes! I see now! You’re right. I remember that one time on the food channel when I saw that show where five chefs jumped in and began fucking that bundt cake. They showed me that when I make a bundt cake the correct procedure is to be certain that the cake knows it’s place! Now, when I’m in the kitchen I scream to the batter, “You WANT that flour don’t you you saucy little slut bundt?” and as I’m beating it with the blender I tell it, “Oh shut up you whorey little bundt bitch! You KNOW you like being blended! You know you like it. Tell me how much you LIKE IT!!!”

I feel much better for that show because now I’ll be damned if I’ll let that cake get away with not knowing its place. NOW it knows who’s boss. *nodnod*

But, if you watch it enough you are going to try cooking

On a more serious note this guy shows what all the studies have proven time and time again. Men like to try out the shit they see in porn. They want to try it out themselves and, since most of the porn out there is violent misogynist hate speech, well guess what ladies? Not only that, but he will see his misogynist demands being no more harmful than a cooking show.

If you watch it with your partner and begin to criticize their cooking because it isn’t as good

This is code for, “When I watch porn I decide that I don’t like ‘plain old sex’ anymore and so I will begin to tear away at your self esteem by making you feel inferior and by criticizing you until you are a mere shell of the woman you were before. After that you will give in to whatever demands I make of you”

But no, guys know what fantasy is and what reality is…right?

Without realizing that the person who is cooking has usually very little talent

Ahhh, ok so now the porn star has no real talent to give you an orgasm. Or wait, was it the partner who had no talent? No, wait, perhaps he’s saying that cooking shows will make you criticize your partner before you decide that neither your partner NOR the chef has any fucking clue what to do. Or maybe he’s saying that dogs bark at the moon on Saturday night during a light snowfall….wait a sec. Where was I again?

And it is all handled by assistants behind the scenes.

I think that maybe at this point he’s saying that there are stand ins behind the scenes in porn flicks? Maybe there are stunt doubles for women? No, wait, that can’t be it. Well then, maybe stunt doubles for men? No…hold on a sec. OH! Maybe he’s saying that the phenomenon of fucking a woman in every orifice while cursing at her and slapping her is all special effects…you know, behind the scenes stuff.

Now, we all have to eat

Holy SHIT! He finally said something that I can make sense of! *rushes off behind the scenes to get smelling salts*

Yes, Virginia there is a drive called eating. We must eat to live *nods sagely*

And we all have sexual urges

Oh see now, just when I thought you actually had a brain cell in your head you go and ruin it by comparing the very real NEED for food to the DESIRE for sex. Ok my chef friend I’ll explain this to you because I’m really quite indulgent that way.

Food is something we cannot live without. We die without sustenance of some sort. Indeed food is something that, were we deprived of it, we would soon find ourselves six foot under.

Sex, on the other hand, is NOT a need. It is a DESIRE and while we all like to fulfill desires it is important to not get them confused. If you stopped masturbating right now and never felt another orgasm again you could continue to live.

Now perhaps you are simply not aware of the difference between a need and a desire, or perhaps you intended to deliberately overstate the importance of sex and sexual desires by comparing them, quite wrongly, to a genuine need. In either case your desire for sex is not, in any way, comparable to a genuine life sustaining need. So please, in the interest of not being labeled a complete moron you may wish to stop confusing the two intentionally or accidentally.

The diff is that we usually don’t harm others with our cooking

Oh, I get it! Mr. Clever means to make an analogy between cooking and sex! He’s stating that we don’t usually harm others with sex! Oh no, wait a sec….let me read that again. Maybe he’s saying that we DO usually harm others with sex since he appears to be comparing it to cooking which harms very few. Or maybe he cooks when he has sex? Or maybe he has sex with what he’s cooking?

Of course, if he is saying that we don’t usually harm others with sex then I have to say that I disagree. Most forms of sex involve some level of coercion and many, many women are harmed with sex. I would say that between harassment at work, on the street, with boyfriends, at bars as well as rapes by husbands, fathers, and boyfriends that lots of women are harmed by men and their sex drive.

But with sex it is not just a casual activity

Oh, it’s not? Damn, I’ll have to cross off “have casual sex” from my Friday agenda. Of course, perhaps he is saying that sex should have more weight added to it. But then he was the one who made the cooking analogy. Or maybe he’s saying that cooking isn’t casual either? Or that they should both be casual? Or none of them? Or one of them? Or that sex should be casual while cooking shouldn’t? Or perhaps cooking should be casual and sex shouldn’t? Damn, get me those smelling salts again.

Feminism has done good

Why thank you for noticing!


Oh no…this is code for “Everything I just said doesn’t mean shit because what I really feel is this….”. I sense a disturbance in the force…yep, yep, it’s someone getting ready to use the ‘but’ defense. For the uninitiated you never, EVER use a ‘but’ in a sentence that is meant to make someone feel better, for example:

“I feel bad that I beat the shit out of you but you shouldn’t make me so mad!”

“You didn’t deserve to be raped but what the hell were you doing wearing that skirt?”

“I like you well enough but you’re ugly and your momma dresses you funny”

You get the drift? “But” is codeword for, “You can’t yell at me because I said something nice first!”

also must take responsibility for the harm it has done also

I know *hangshead* I take FULL responsibility for my foremothers getting women the vote! The responsibility for telling women that they deserve to have their own sexual autonomy that is not reliant upon a penis is my crime. Oh the horror!. I see now how my working to give women equal consideration as men in this world has been so very harmful to the poor men like yourself who just want to cook in peace. I repent! I shall never again tell a woman that her choices and her right to be treated as a human being are valid!

Indeed, I shall start telling them that they have no business dressing in a skirt or saying “No” to your sexual advances!

You see as a male raised by a strong mother I was taught manners and respect.

Yep, I can see that by all the insults you veiled into your comment. You sir are the pinnacle of respect and manners! Miss Manners better watch her back because you sir, are bound for glory!

Of course there is also the little problem of just because you say it’s so doesn’t make it so. As well as the problem of letting a man (no wait…I got that wrong, letting a “*gasp* man”) decide what is manners and respect rather than a woman because of course if HE thinks he has manners and respect then those little bitches should just recognize it!

I hold the door for people and say please and thank you

So did my x husband who also raped me and sadistically tortured me sexually. Sorry friend, the fact that you hold a door for people and say please and thank you means nothing to me.

And told not to think of women as objects

Says the man who believes that sex drives are akin to eating. Oh no, wait a sec….there’s another disturbance in the force I predict that our friend is about to develop a case of foot in mouth disease again….


There’s that word again. “I’ve been told not to think of women as objects but….

We know what that means. We’re about to find out that he really DOES think of women as objects! Ready? You’re going to LOVE this….

when women sleep around and use sex as a tool it makes it harder for all women

Ahhh, I see. Not only does he think of women as objects but it’s the fault of all those women that he sees them that way. So let me get this straight. Sexual urges are like food yet when a woman acts upon those sexual urges she makes men treat women like objects?

No, wait….I get it. You think that those who have a wrinkly little elephant in their pants have urges that are akin to food but women don’t. So, you were talking about male sexual urges? Not female sexual urges? So, did you deliberately use gender neutral words to describe this? Or was it an attempt at not sounding the hypocrite you are?

Oh and let me get this straight, the reason that you’re a sexist pig is because women have forced you to use them like objects? And so because that evil, nasty little jezebel actually did what you wanted her to do (i.e. have sex with you) she made you treat her like an object?

But wait! It gets better. The other thing he accuses is that those slutty, casual sex temptresses who have no sex drive but who do it anyway are making it even harder for the good, old fashioned girls? Men aren’t doing it. No, men became invisible sometime between fucking the turkey in the kitchen and passing smelling salts to the lady who has passed out. Of course NONE of this has anything to do with men because HE is the male equivalent of Miss Manners and would never THINK of touching a woman. Indeed, it must be that all of these poor men who simply had the misfortune of being born with such a life threatening need are being tempted and tortured by the women.

And you know what the best part is….

It’s all our fault! That’s right folks, it’s the fault of feminists that this man has come to see women as objects.

Just as what one man does influences your opinion of all men

Nah, it’s not just one man. It’s the male collective. I assure you that as a woman there are lots of shitheads out there. It’s not just one man.

What one woman does helps men to rationalize that “women really want [insert item]

I see, so rape, wife beating, catcalls, sexual harassment, prostitution and sex slavery that men engage in is women’s fault? Or even better, it’s the fault of the whores in pornography? You know, the ones that you watch on your television screen but who you secretly blame for the objectification that you feel of all women. Not only that, but it’s also comparable to a woman having consensual sex

Let’s follow the logic train shall we? So, one man rapes a woman. The woman gets angry and scared of men and it colors her view of men. A man begs a woman to sleep with him, she consents and so she is responsible for that man later deciding that all women are objects. The man who decides that all women are objects then goes out and rapes a woman. But see, it’s not HIS fault. It’s the women who slept with him through the years who caused him to see women as objects. Or maybe it’s the dirty whore in porn who he willingly googled to watch…unless of course that same woman grabbed his wrists and forced him to type in ‘barely legal teens’.

By this logic rape IS the fault of women.

Polite my ass. It sure as hell isn’t MY fault that my rapist raped me. Yet, when you place women in the position of ‘gatekeeper’ they can never win.

because I saw it as acceptable behavior by another woman”

Aha! I knew it! I KNEW that men were unable to differentiate between what a woman in porn does and what a woman in real life does! Thank you my friend!

Oh, and I see that it’s also a woman’s fault if a man does something horrible because surely some woman in his past did something crazy and he didn’t have the brains to understand that perhaps not all women like it. Must be because all of his energy is going towards fulfilling his ‘need’ of sex.

Wow and he thinks that I’m a man hater. No seriously. I mean this guy believes that men are too stupid to understand that if they are with (or see) a woman who appears to enjoy being degraded or raped that ALL women will like that. Evidently this guy is saying that men are just too stupid to understand that women are individuals with individual preferences.

Note the misogyny dripping from this assumption, as well as the man hating. Not only does this guy believe that his half of the population is too stupid to understand that women are individuals but he also doesn’t believe that women are individuals.

So, given the premise that what one man or woman does represents everyone in their sex makes about as much sense as saying that because I think breasts are beautiful that I want rape women so that I can see more of them.

Ummm…what? What? *stutter stammer* ummmmm….clarify?

I think he’s saying that one person doesn’t represent their entire gender. But wait, earlier he said that women, especially those whorish women, colors all perception of women. He said that feminists have hurt women by making them think that they are sexually equal. The reason this hurts women is because when a bunch of women start thinking that they have sexual urges and then act on them that men begin to objectify them. However, now it seems as though he’s saying that you can’t judge an entire gender based on a few people. But wait, didn’t he say that HE judges women based on a few people?

Damn, my head is about to explode. And that speaks nothing about the second sentence.

Oh wait! I think I see now. He’s doing that thing again. You know, that thing where men have mortal NEEDS and women don’t. I get it. He’s saying that whorish women color the outlook of all men and force them to objectify them because they’re not being chaste enough but that women shouldn’t use that same judgment on men!

I think I get it….

You can’t have it both ways, there is no absolute freedom..except when I don’t want it

Ack. My head exploded *wipes head from computer*

Am I trying to get absolute freedom that doesn’t exist? Or maybe I don’t want absolute freedom that doesn’t exist. Maybe I don’t even know that I don’t want the absolute non-existent freedom. Or perhaps I know that I don’t want the non-existent absolute freedom which doesn’t exist because I already know that said freedom doesn’t really exist? Or perhaps the non-existent freedom is too busy teasing me with its sluttish ways for me to know that I don’t really want it? Shit, I don’t know, I’m off to the kitchen to scream at my bundt cake then I’ll feel like a real man again…er….I mean, I’ll feel like a real woman again.

Finally, the reason why violent porn exists and sells is that sex is a very strong urge.

Oh no, here we go again with the urges. So, sex and violence are synonymous with one another. Apparently because sex is a strong urge then beating women, raping them and otherwise violently violating them is also a strong urge. Presumably because our friend here believes that sex and violence are one and the same.

Or maybe this has something to do with non-existent freedoms that I don’t really want…or perhaps it has something to do with Emeril Lagasse? Or maybe it has something to do with feminists being the cause of all of this?

Or maybe I’m right and it has everything to do with one dude thinking that sex and violence can be used interchangeably.

Just like a meal of rotten fish is appealing to some but not to most

Oh goddess NO. NO. NO! Please, I beg you no more food analogies!! It’s too much!

Are you seriously saying that violent porn with its insults, hitting, slapping, raping and degradation is just as harmless as someone wanting to eat a distasteful dish? Is this what you are really honest to goodness saying?

Oh well then perhaps this will make you feel better. *whispers* “I get off on kidnapping men, tying them to a bed and castrating them with rubber bands. Then I like to slap them around a bit before stabbing them repeatedly and then forcing them to eat their testacles while I laugh maniacally through their tears and dance before them proclaiming “I am the eater of rotten fish and you will RESPECT my authoritay!!”

It’s the same thing! Really, it is! I promise it is! It’s just that I have different TASTES than you. Don’t judge me because I want to slice your testicles off and force you to eat them before choking you with a two foot salami and making you eat your vomit. How dare you question my tastes! You MUST be a woman hater!!!

The real problem is that if there exists no morality then there exists no law

No actually your ‘morality’ is defined by your non-existent male whatchamacallit in the sky. Keep your morals off my vagina you sicko!

And with no moral law, you have a very thin shard of bullshit hold back the barrier of humanity against savage animalism.

Ok, so I think what he’s saying is this: Keep your dirty legs closed you whore because lookit what you make us do when you flaunt all your girly bits.

And it also doesn’t surprise me that while he’s pumping up morality he’s also neglecting to note that perhaps it’s not all that moral to beat and rape women in violent porn. That of course, is perfectly moral, it’s those damn harlots who are immoral.

You know what amuses me the most? That he compares his behavior and his own twisted desires against animals. Heh, don’t flatter yourself my friend, animals would have nothing to do with you OR your moral bullshit.

And with that I’m off to the kitchen to flog my bundt cake again!


Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 1:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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