Responses to the Rapist Checklist

I posted the repost of the The Rapist Checklist yesterday and, as expected, there were quite a few comments that I garnered that were just teeming with indignant rage. As most of you know I don’t post nasty comments because I tire of the constant parade of trolls who shows up and needs to be dealt with. I’m unwilling to let their redundant crap go unchallenged but, after fighting the same unoriginal comment week after week after week, I grow tired of the same old song and dance.

However, sometimes I like to post their comments for everyone to see. It’s amusing to me as well as frightening that there are so many out there who simply don’t get it. In the spirit of a good roast I have decided to post a few comments regarding that post. So, without further ado I bring you a few of the unmoderated comments I received on that particular post.

Someone calling themselves “Cynical” posted an amusing comment. They reference several of the checklist numbers so I will copy and paste those here as well so that everyone doesn’t have to jump back and forth on their browsers to follow him. The original comment is in italics the quoted bits from the post are in bold and, of course, my current response is in the normal font.

Cynical says: On 13-15 Are you telling me I was raped when I was talked into it or nagged into it?

13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.

14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her “No” by talking her into it. She’s not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it’s not YOUR responsibility to ‘get’ her. You’re still a rapist.

15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn’t otherwise want it. If you say, “If you loved me you’d do X” then you’re a rapist. If you say, “All the other kids are doing it!” then you’re a rapist.

If you’re a man then the likely answer is No, you were not raped. If you’re a woman then perhaps you were. If you’re a woman who didn’t want to have sex but were frightened of what he’d do if you wouldn’t do it with him or felt as if there were no other choices, then yes, I would absolutely say that you were raped.

However, I get the feeling that this is a guy and, as such, the answer is most notably “NO”, you were not raped but of course, you already knew that you simply wanted to try and get the mean ol’ feminist with your idea of a silver bullet. You were fully aware that you weren’t raped but figured that you were the first man who ever approached me with your particular brand of logic and that you’d be able to shut me up or make me cower beneath the threat of your clearly superior logic.

Wrong.

You weren’t raped if you were talked into it and here’s why.

First off, do you ever fear being physically and violently raped if you tell a woman “No”? Of course not. You know that if you tell her “No” the worst that will happen is that she will ask a few times and then give up. Do you fear that if you raise your voice to her or even hit her if she continues to ‘nag’ you that you will be beat to death? That you will be held down against your will and penetrated? These are fears that huge numbers of women experience and fears that you will never, ever experience. The same sort of pressure for you is not there.

Secondly as a man in this society you have likely been socialized to understand that you are ‘allowed’ to do whatever you want in pursuit of getting your dick into some woman’s body. It’s clear that you don’t respect the word “No” which is a verbal boundary. Therefore, it’s likely that you have engaged in this behavior yourself since you clearly are unable to comprehend the importance of the word “No”, particularly as it pertains to females.

It’s also likely that you are/were much larger than the woman you bullied (i.e. ‘nagged’) into sex with you. Even if you weren’t you, as a male, have been socialized to be violent and ‘manly’ in your life. Violence, the threat of it, and the normalization of it, is something that men experience as acceptable during their formative years. Particularly in the pursuit of penetration.

Women, on the other hand, are unilaterally taught that violence is unacceptable and that they must never engage a man in violence.

The situation you put women into is literally a situation in which, if you decide not to listen to her repeated “No’s” she is forced to up the ante of violence, perhaps by hitting you? Screaming at you? Telling you that you are attempting to rape her? Screaming the word “NO” as loudly as possible?

You are forcing your ‘partner’ (i.e. victim) to up the level of violence, most likely going against everything that society has taught her to do from a very young age as well as breaking one of the largest taboos a woman can face that taboo being to precipitate violence against a male.

The woman you raped in this way also has a 1 in 3 chance of having been raped before and over a 50/50 chance of having been physically hurt by a male. With these other factors in mind it is far less likely that your victim would up the ante. Even if she was a woman who had never experienced ANY of these things she has certainly watched the endless parade of faceless women on television who are beaten, raped and murdered by men. These news stories are bound to have an effect, that effect will predictably be to not initiate violence against a man lest they risk becoming one of the nameless, faceless women on the nightly news.

The fact that you clearly don’t respect the word “No” as a boundary just as real as any physical boundary tells me that you very likely wouldn’t respect any boundary that she laid other than one that was clearly physical.

It is also clear to me that since it never occurred to you that a female could have a past that wasn’t what you believe it should be that you will likewise be incapable of actually understanding this argument because it would implicate you in a crime that you find abhorrent. Of course, you only find it abhorrent when the person engaging in the crime isn’t following the rules of engagement as you have decided them to be. In other words, rape is clearly only a crime when a woman is battered and beaten, not when she is frightened and says “Yes” to avoid becoming one of those battered and beaten women.

Of course, it’s also likely that you are reading this right now and are offended beyond belief because, according to you, you are a non-violent man and of course she should somehow intuit that you weren’t planning on becoming physically violent with her. Your victim(s) are never allowed to be frightened of you because it would bring into focus the actual wrongness of the act that you are perpetuating upon their bodies. As well as make you ponder on why you don’t believe that “NO” is a ‘real’ boundary.

You clearly do not respect the word “NO” and you clearly believe that she should, for whatever reason, up the level of violence to get you to leave her the fuck alone. In other words, you believe that she is responsible to stop you. SHE is responsible for making you leave her alone; she is also responsible if she fails in the expectation that she stop your repeated aggression. If she is unable to stop your violent and aggressive behavior then she must have ‘wanted’ it. If she gives in as a result of fear, worry, or perceived lack of choices when she is most likely outgunned, out-muscled and certainly out-forced by a man who has been socialized into violence then she is clearly at fault.

If she fails to provide you with a ‘good enough’ argument to ‘convince’ you to stop and leave her alone then she clearly wanted you to penetrate her. And of course, she should up that level of violence in such a way that she doesn’t offend you because then she’s in danger of pissing you off because she thinks you may be dangerous. You ARE dangerous but you hide beneath the cover that so many men like you hide behind. That cover being to ascribe power to her that she doesn’t actually have and then expect her to utilize that nonexistent power to make you stop. If she is unable to do that then she is clearly to blame and it’s a case of you being ‘confused’ rather than you bullying her for hours until she is so exhausted by repeated “No’s” that she gives in to you to hopefully get you to leave her the fuck alone. If she shows you fear and you see it mirrored in her eyes it would probably piss you off beyond recognition as it is likely doing right now.

So tell me, what exactly do you expect her to do to make you stop? Any woman that is with you must repeatedly and gently tell you “No” until you grow tired? Must she hit you with something? Does she need to give you an excuse that will allow you to ‘let her off the hook’? Why is her verbal boundary, her “No”, not enough? Why does it never occur to you that this may very well be a woman who has been either hit or raped before? Why do you feel that you can continue to pressure her for a yes? Do you think that if she says “No” 100 times that suddenly on the 101st time she is dying to have your big manly cock put inside of her? Do you believe that, even though she didn’t want you for the last two hours, somehow you are able to turn that tired “NO” into a Yes and she will love it?

 

I seriously doubt that you believe this as you are well aware that when someone is nagged or bullied into doing something they rarely, if ever, glean any real enjoyment for the act that they were bullied into. Therefore, it’s clear to me that your desire to penetrate another person’s body has absolutely nothing to do with her enjoyment, pleasure or anything of the sort. The verbal gymnastics and exhausting games that you employ aren’t so that you can penetrate her and feel a bonding with a person you consider an equal. Indeed, they are performed and carried out with the express purpose of ‘winning’ and the orgasm is simply a bonus.

No man who gives a flying fuck about women or who considers her to be an autonomous individual who is equal to them, will deliberately and continually push through a woman’s “No’s” until they get a “Yes”. The selfishness that is displayed to get her to a point of turning that No into a Yes precludes any logical thinking creature from believing that you, in any way, think of the woman you are penetrating as an equal.

Up to that point you selfishly refused to acknowledge her “No”, waltzing through her verbal boundaries and putting her into a position of risking violence against you. You forced her to play the ‘guess what you need to do to make me stop harassing you’ game.

You put her into a position where her “No” is meaningless to you and showed her, quite clearly, that you are fully capable, willing and able to continue to press her with whatever means necessary to get her to ‘consent’ to what you want to do to her. The fact that you utterly and completely ignored her “No’s” tells her that you are capable and willing to force her to either:

A) Hit you
B) Scream at you or
C) Otherwise put herself into a vulnerable position against you.

You have forced her to attempt to read your mind in an attempt to ascertain whether or not you could become violent. You clearly care nothing for her enjoyment as your actions indicate that you are primarily concerned with sticking your dick inside of her. Her “No” means nothing to you. Her tired “Yes” is all that matters.

And of course, seeing that you have grown incredibly angry with me right now for pointing this out to you, I can also safely assume that you expect the woman to also pretend to enjoy it after you have exhausted her into a “Yes”. If she lays there like a dead animal looking at the ceiling you will be mightily offended and so, she not only must put up with your incessant bullying but also, when she finally gives in, she must act as though she enjoys it. I suspect that you’re one of those guys who also believes that every woman you’ve ever been with has been brought to orgasm multiple times by penetration alone.

Here’s a clue, those screams are faked BECAUSE she knows that you’re a violent fuck who could turn into a complete monster if she doesn’t fake them.

On 29 (wedding night). Absolutely correct. Weddings can be exhausting. If it bothers you go sleep on the couch. If it really bothers you a lot, you can always go get an annulment in the morning, you aren’t ready to be married

29. If it’s your wedding night and she doesn’t WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you’re a rapist.

So clearly you believe that marriage is all about a man sticking his member into a woman. Penetration is clearly the mark of a woman who is ‘ready’ to be married. Notice also that my phrasing on 29 was if you ‘force or coerce’ her and this is the language that you disagree with.

Obviously you believe that any woman who marries you forgoes her right to say “No” to sex. Because you’ve done her the presumably wonderful service of marrying her she owes you sex and if she doesn’t like it then she can just leave. If she doesn’t want you to harass her for hours on end then her options are to either sleep on the couch or divorce you. I wonder if you tell any woman you’re thinking about marrying that you believe she has no right to tell you “No” and have that “No” be respected before you marry her?

“NO” means nothing to you, even after you’ve supposedly bonded with a woman for the rest of your life.

Evidently to you, “In sickness and in health til death do you part” translates into, “As long as you let me stick my dick in you we’re fine but don’t you dare think that that pussy doesn’t belong to me and that I don’t have a right to use it when I wish. If you don’t like it then get the fuck out.”

You could add: don’t get mad at or criticize your guy for not taking no for an answer. If you didn’t mean no, you shouldn’t have said it. Don’t try to train your guy to take no for an answer.

Yes, because clearly in your world women don’t have that right and the only type of boundary that you will respect is the boundary in which she points a gun at your head and tells you to get the fuck out of her bedroom. I love how you give yourself unilateral permission to bully each and every woman you are with into sex with you. It also stands to reason that you probably believe that you are a wonderful lover.

 

The sickest part of all is that you likely also believe that you actually love your partners, in which case your definition of love is so twisted that I can scarcely contain myself from sobs for the poor female who is partnered with you.

Clearly to you, love is all about penetrating her. And it’s not orgasm you’re seeking, it’s penetration which to you, as to many men in this society, has morphed into a quick fix for power. If it were simply intimacy that you’re seeking then kissing, cuddling and so forth would be enough to fulfill you. And if it were orgasm you sought then you’d simply masturbate. However, you are undoubtedly one of those men who has decided that each and every time you get a boner that the woman you’re with should take care of that boner.

It’s a sad state of affairs when a man can refuse to hear a woman’s pleas of “No”, coerce, nag, bully and frighten her into sex. Expect her to then like it and pat himself on the back for being such a wonderful lover when she fakes 5 orgasms just to make him leave her the fuck alone. And then, on top of all that, to make a claim that he loves her.

Clearly your actions have nothing to do with intimacy, mutual respect or mutual satisfaction and everything to do with control, conquest and ‘winning’. You chase a woman as if she were a gazelle, conquer her with your repeated and likely frightening advances, and then expect her to enjoy being devoured.

Not only that, but you believe that this is a normal expression of love or affection between two people. You ascribe a woman power that you deny her. You say that she shouldn’t have said “Yes” if she didn’t mean it but you don’t allow her the option of saying “No”. You act as though you are giving her power that you really have no intention of allowing her because the only acceptable answer to your repeated (and likely pathetic) come on’s is a “Yes”. Nothing short of a baseball bat or a knee to the groin will stop you and not only is this considered ‘normal’ to you, it is also something that women should not attempt to stop.

Talk about twisted.

I disagree with you about 46. Anybody can be crazy or lie. Someone who never met him sued David Letterman for harassment (sic) for sending her coded messages through his show. If she had claimed he raped her, would disbelieving her encourage rape?I think it is the opposite. If we encourage blind faith in everyone who says she was raped, we lose credibility when we say “I believe her”. Then they could say “so what, you believe everybody, so your believing this particular victim doesn’t mean anything”.

46. If you don’t believe a woman when she says she was raped then you’re encouraging rape.

The false reporting for rape is the exact same as the false reporting for any other crime. About 2% of rape reports are false reports, just as 2% of car theft reports are false reports and 2% of robbery reports are false reports.

Of course, I’m certain that you don’t look to your friend who has just had his car stolen and say, “I think you’re lying!” Why? Because clearly, to you at least, women are lying manipulative bitches.

There is no other crime in which a victim is immediately thought to be lying except for those crimes that are perpetuated onto females. Have you ever looked at a news report where a home was burglarized and thought immediately to yourself, “They’re probably lying! If we assume that they’re telling the truth about being robbed then we lose credibility!”

Of course you don’t because to you, as you have so aptly illustrated in your comments, women are simply a means to an end. To you, women are lying, cheating, and thieving creatures that must be treated with mistrust and violence when necessary.

Who does this line of thinking benefit? Who does it benefit when you immediately disbelieve all accusations of rape? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. It benefits the rapists. It allows rapists to walk and it allows for public opinion of rape victims to be twisted to allow for men like you to rape without consequence.

A woman who is raped is much less likely to fight you off when you walk through her “No’s” because she’s intimately familiar with the violence that men are capable of. And so, in a quest to not be physically hurt she will wearily say “Yes” rather than risk being physically and violently violated. This benefits YOU specifically and in general it benefits each and every single man who uses the same tactics as you do. In other words, you benefit and continue to defend those benefits that physically violent rapists have given you and you also see no problem with that.

You are so willing to believe men over women but yet, you don’t question crimes that occur to men by other men. Even when the rates of false reporting for the crimes are identical. You never routinely question whether or not a carjacking was real, why?

Why is it that, even though only 2 out of 100 reports of rape are actually false, you insist that women are lying and that to believe them means that women everywhere will suffer from credibility issues? Again I ask, do you believe someone when they say they were robbed? Or do you interrogate them and tell them that “Anyone could say they were robbed! You probably sold your stuff to a pawn shop and then decided that you were robbed!”

If you don’t do this then I strongly suggest that you consider why you don’t.

I was going to post a few more comments but I’ve decided not to bother. They are much the same as this guy wherein they determine, without ever having looked it up, that women are liars and that most rape allegations are false.

Why? Because they, as much of society, have placed more weight on the truthfulness of men’s words than women’s. It doesn’t surprise me that so many men in particular don’t want to see any of these things as applying to them. Of course men like ‘Cynical’ want to keep the status quo, it allows them to unilaterally and without consequence, rape women who would otherwise run like hell from them.

~BB

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Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 2:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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