Porn and Prostitution- Intro to Porn Week

Originally published on April 07, 2006 

I’ve wanted to do something like this for a long while. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the time to find my numbers and such until just now. Originally this idea was intended to run for a week, each day a different installment until, on Friday we completed the idea. However, I feel like undertaking this task today.

I want to discuss the ‘tiers of harm’ associated with pornography. At every level of pornography, from the making, to the distribution to the watching and to every single woman in society there is harm.

It makes sense to start at the beginning, and the beginning in this case is making pornography. Now, for the purposes of this series of articles I want everyone to understand that when I’m referring to pornography or the sex industry or prostitution I am using the terms almost interchangeably. The difference between pornography and prostitution is really just a ghost line that is put in place by those who wish to separate themselves from ‘those other people’. In this instance the ‘other people’ are the ones who buy prostitutes. Societally speaking pornography is more accepted than buying a prostitute, therefore people have a much easier time aligning themselves with this ‘very different’ (to use their words) aspect of the sex industry.

I also want to note that you will see me using scare quotes through this article when referring to women who ‘get something out of it’. This is not a post debating whether or not they are actually getting something out of prostituting themselves which is why the scare quotes are there. The assumption is that prostitutes and porn stars are ‘getting something out of it’ and I will leave that alone for another day. Ok, on with the show.

First we must understand that the two are indistinguishable in a practical sense. Pornography is prostitution, but the fact that not just one man is using the prostitute puts it into a different category in the law.

It stands to reason that in a society where women are to be available to all men all the time that prostitution would fall into an altogether different category than pornography. The line drawn between the two is truly a false dichotomy, the real reason that lay at the heart of the legalization and, in fact, mainstreaming of one, whilst the other is a more ‘seedy’ underside is not too hard to understand.

In porn the woman is available for ALL men, all the time. Every man who sees her can ‘fuck’ her, even if only through the male who is present in the movie. She is truly the whore, the free hooker, the slut that every man can do with what they will (either in the actual making of or in the viewing of).

Prostitutes on the other hand are only fucking a small percentage of men; therefore, since they are not offering their object status to each and every single man who desires it, it is a far more taboo idea.

Of course, at its base, porn and prostitution are the same thing. In both of them a woman exchanges sex for money but in one of them it is filmed, in the other, it’s a private interaction in which it has been argued the prostitute is getting ‘something out of it’. With this false idea of the prostitutes ‘getting something out of it’ the degradation is not complete enough for society’s liking. Without the benefit of allowing every man the ability to use her, she has not been punished enough for ‘getting something out of it’.

In other words, pornography allows the entire male population to use and degrade her sexually and that works off any ‘benefit’ she may get from the act. In this case money. A woman who derives any benefit from selling her sex is a maligned creature indeed. With the porn star we can take away any and all ‘benefit’ that she is perceived to have received by making her fodder for every man to degrade. That’s a tradeoff that the Patriarchy will make.

One woman gets paid a few hundred bucks to be an object of degradation, humiliation and objectification for millions of men. Her image is forever sealed, her degradation posed and captured at it’s finest to be stored in the annuls of time. At any moment, 1 year, 5 years or 30 years later she can be recalled by any man who wants to degrade her without ramification. All for a few hundred bucks. Of course it’s a great deal for the Patriarchy. They get a collection of women, thousands of unnamed stories and faces that are frozen in the very act of degradation that man gets so much pleasure from. Exposed and captured at their most vulnerable they represent the culmination of Patriarchal power, a thing to be seized by each and every member of society and jerked off too gleefully as proof of male power and domination.

The porn star is maligned because she is perceived to have gotten some ‘benefit’ from having sold herself. Women hate her because men seem to love her, Men hate her because she displays a lack of character so complete (to the men) that they are incapable of feeling anything but revulsion at her, after they use her to orgasm to. It’s true. The porn star is maligned because she has become what society has trained her to be. She is maligned by the men who display and overwhelming disgust of her when they are done using her. That disgust is often rooted in the very acts that they desire but are disgusted by. The very acts that they would never do or allow to be done to them builds a disgust of the very women that will do it. It’s a case of projection at it’s finest but that’s also not what this is about. Suffice it to say that society hates the porn star, but she is also mainstream and acceptable precisely because of her degradation and the fact that millions of men all over the world can, at any time now or in the future, use her and reinforce her status as a dehumanized thing.

The very thing that makes her hated and maligned is also the very thing that makes what she does acceptable. Why? Because she has taken her punishment for being such a despicable creature, she is allowed to exist BECAUSE she takes her punishment, that punishment being that she is forever a nameless, faceless object to uphold the tenets of male domination.

The prostitute however, has no such tradeoff. She is not being degraded enough according to the patriarchy. Millions of men cannot fuck one prostitute. The entire society of males cannot degrade one prostitute, it’s not feasible. Unlike the porn star, her audience is only a relatively small group of men who are in physical proximity to the individual woman. Her punishment for merely having female genitalia and then, ‘getting something out of it’ (presumably money) is too much of an affront to the patriarchal construct. She is selling herself in private to only one man, or a series of singular men and the belief is that she’s ‘getting something out of it’ therefore, she has not been punished enough.

Under this system a woman not only cannot be perceived as ‘getting something out of it’ but she must be punished for anything she does get out of it no matter how small. The system dictates that she must be available without reservation, without any thought to herself at all times. If and when a woman is perceived as having ‘gotten something out of it’ she is reviled and degraded all the more.

The prostitute flies in the face of patriarchal norms in that way. She is a woman who is perceived as ‘getting something out of it’, taboo at best, hated at worst. The reality of whether she actually does ‘get something out of it’ is up for debate but the perception is still there.

It is because of this reality that prostitution has more of a stigma attached to it than pornography. Both women are prostitutes, one of them can be said to ‘suffer’ more than the other if only because every man has access to their degradation for an unknown number of years whereas with the prostitute only a small percentage of men have been allowed to degrade that particular woman and for most of them the only memory and ‘proof’ that they have is in their memories. There is also the matter of her not being ‘available’ for an infinite number of years. Eventually the prostitute will get old, die or otherwise be unable to be degraded. Also, there is no ‘proof’ that she was degraded enough in prostitution, therefore the societal taboo is harsher.

Lawmakers have decided that prostitution is illegal in many places. Based, unknown to them I suspect, upon the model I just discussed. With porn men can degrade her ‘safely’, from a distance, any man, at any time. With prostitutes you must ‘pay’ to degrade them, therefore, in the mind of male privilege, the prostitute comes out ahead, or at least even. The truth of that statement can again be debated, but this is what the men believe when they go to prostitutes.

This could perhaps, (I haven’t thought about it too much yet) even be the reason that prostitutes are far more likely to be raped than anyone else. Their degradation is not complete enough, selling their bodies by some men can be too easily construed as her ‘getting something out of it’ (money). The retaliation is rape and degradation that defies the accepted limits of degradation afforded to porn stars.

The porn star is paid once and then subject to abuse by anyone at any time. She is the creature who appears to love the abuse and degradation that the patriarchy is so adept at providing. Therefore, HER abuse is legal precisely BECAUSE of that.

A woman who gets anything out of sex is a maligned creature indeed, even if the perception of her is wrong, even if she is being harmed by the sex it doesn’t matter. If the perception is that she is getting something out of it then she is hated. The slut is hated for precisely this reason, as is the prostitute, as is the woman who just knows what she wants in bed. ANY sort of perceived ‘benefit’ is reason enough for men to revile her. The ‘benefit’ could be enjoyment of the sex act, or her saying “No” to him. It can be money, power, anything she does that lends to a perception of benefit.

A man who ‘nags’ his partner into sex probably stopped giving a shit about the actual orgasm involved after the 3rd “No”. It becomes a battle of wills that the man must win. Why? Because she is perceived as having gotten a ‘benefit’ from her sex, in this case, the ‘benefit’ of being able to say “No”.

The prostitute is similarly hated because her ‘benefit’ is money. She got money but didn’t get degraded enough to ‘pay’ for that money.

The porn star, on the other hand, is understood to have been suitably degraded, it can be clear that she has gotten the short end of the stick on this one. Her image and likeness and even her rape (Deep Throat) are proof enough that she is degraded enough to be allowed to ‘benefit’ from the measly few hundreds of dollars she received. Even after the woman is dead and in the ground her likeness, her essence and her body is still open to male degradation.

Porn and prostitution are the same thing. The only difference is that the porn star makes no bones about privacy, indeed, she is captured in the very act of ‘allowing’ herself to be degraded so that millions of men can, in turn, get off on that degradation. The prostitute has the audacity to require it to be only one man, not millions, and her degradation is not complete enough for societies liking.

This is the reason that one is legal and one isn’t. It has nothing to do with Freedom of Speech and everything to do with the levels of degradation that men perceive them having taken.

So, to start off this series I wanted to tell everyone exactly why I will use the two interchangeably. They are the same thing in every aspect. One is legal, one is heralded as being ‘helpful to relationships’ and ‘harmless fantasy’. But don’t be fooled, the sex industry is just that an industry. Some women have paid enough and the Patriarchy is willing to strike a deal with them while others haven’t paid enough and are therefore more maligned and more ‘taboo’ than the other.

And this, my friends, is my intro to porn week which will resume on Monday (unless I crank out the next post over the weekend).

Thanks to Dee for contributing this series of posts

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Porn Week: Sex industry workers, the first in a tier of victims

Originally published April 10, 2006

Ok, on Friday I told everyone that I was going to get into the tiers of pornography and the harm it does, at every single level. 


Today, I wanted to start at the ‘bottom’ so to speak. I wanted to address the women who are actually the first level of harm. The ones who take the brunt of the pain foisted onto them. The women who are actually in
the sex industry. There are so many aspects to this that I doubt I will be able to get them all clearly and concisely but I’ll try nonetheless.

The sex industry destroys so many of the women in it, they are sacrificed with no thought, to the alter of the penis. Story after story comes out, and in each and every one of them we hear similar themes.

We have Linda Lovelace, who the porn-apologists still insist was lying about the porn industry, even though she passed numerous hours of lie detector tests. Clearly, for anyone willing to do the research, the sex industry is not what they want us to believe it is. As a woman who worked in the sex industry I can back up that most of the girls I worked with had stories of rape, abuse, and sexual assault that makes my gut clench to think about. For my part I can say that my own experiences mirror what radical feminists have been saying for years. The sex industry is damaging to women.

Now, there are always one or two people who want to step forward and tell us differently, who want us to believe that there may be one or two women out there who enjoy it. That may be true, certainly I will not claim to speak for every woman. What I WILL claim is that how many women does it take before someone gives a fuck?

The people that inevitably pop up to say that my experiences are wrong, are simultaneously saying that there MAY be a few women who enjoy the sex industry therefore all is well in Wonderland.

They’re wrong. Dead. Wrong.

All is not well in the Wonderland that people want to believe exists in the sex industry. Here are some gems, lifted from One Angry Girl.

In the early hours of July 11th, 1994, porn actress Shannon Wilsey, a.k.a Savannah, put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

Friends say she was upset about crashing her Corvette into a fence earlier that evening– she thought she’d broken her nose and would have to cancel an upcoming stripping appearance in New York. She was also worried about not getting paid for a recent strip show in Las Vegas. Then again, she was also high on heroin and cocaine when she shot herself, so it’s fair to say her judgment was a bit off.

Savannah was born in California, and was 23 when she killed herself.

Or this story

“I was having a hard time surviving, so when I met a guy on the streets who offered to pay me and feed me and buy me some clothes just for letting him take pictures of me, I really thought I had a good deal. After a few months I really thought everything was going to be great. I was sleeping with him, and I didn’t care that the cameras rolled and took pictures of us while we made love, because he was the first guy who really seemed to want me. After a while he told me that I was the best he’d ever seen, and he thought I could probably take two or three guys on whereas most girls couldn’t do that…I really didn’t want to…

“They began to film with several guys…Then came all the disgusting things; they would just put anything up me, stalks of celery…then it started with the coke bottles. It became a big deal, how I could get bigger bottles up me than anyone that had worked for them…By this time I had been with (name) for about 3 years.

He was still supporting me, but he was now beating me a lot, and was spending most of his time with other girls. I was getting completely broken and desperate. I started using drugs about 2 years into being with him, and now he is no longer asking me to do anything to make him proud. Now he would just withhold my drugs and tell me if I wanted them I’d have to do these things. I needed that dope just to get through the day. I was strung out pretty bad and I didn’t care what they put up me and I didn’t care how many of them took pictures of it. I really didn’t care about nothing…

The thing I guess that finally got me out of there is when he brought another woman he’d been with and told me I had to do it with her for the pictures…I don’t know why that was worse than bottles or celery or maybe it was just all of it combined but anyway, I had just had it. So I took off…I was just about 18.”

Or this story

“I was raped when I was nine,” she says. “You have to understand: My dad always called me his favorite son, y’know. He said he wanted to teach me to be tough. So he would drop me off in places like Sawtell, y’know, bad neighborhoods, and let me find my own way home.”

Andrea tells the story like she’s fine about it, like it is what it is.

“I wandered into some courtyard, a building with gates, y’know, and three – I think three – black guys basically passed me around. I know there were two more, Mexicans, standing watch by the gates. Then I think I blacked out. Anyway, I was more afraid of what my father would do to me when I got home. I had a broken nose and a bloody lip – I fought – so I knew he’d know something.”

Andrea says she’s not sure whether anything happened before that or whether her father ever sexually abused her. She describes a second rape, at fourteen: A guy pinned her against a Dumpster behind the cheesecake factory where Andrea worked. This time she spiked the guy in his eye with one of her high-heeled shoes then ran.

“That was an easy one for the cops, ‘cause they knew who they were looking for – someone holding his eye,” Andrea says, laughing…

Or Belladonna’s story

The director had told Michelle that Vidal liked her work, and when the pair saw each other they immediately fell into each other’s arms, kissing from one side of the house to the other.

“There’s nothing bad about you,” she told him admiringly as they prepared for the shoot. “You don’t know me very well” he replied with a grin.

But when the director finally got the pair to settle down to the business at hand – filming a sex scene – the tone changed. Without any prompting, Vidal got rough during the sex, slapping Michelle’s face violently from side to side, and choking her.

Afterward, she looked shaken, her face reddened and her eyes watery. But she insisted she was OK. “I look torn up – can you tell?,” she asked an ABCNEWS producer who was following her progress for Primetime . Laughing and wiping her eye, she turned away and said without conviction, “I took a beating today, and it was great.”

After the session, she was shattered. “I wasn’t ready for anal sex … It was painful. But I can hide it really well.” She had just turned 18, the legal age for participation in sexually explicit films.

Michelle went on more shoots over the next few months. Then her agent sent her on a job where she would have sex with male actors in prison outfits – 12 of them. Once again, she tried to back out, telling the director it was “sick,” but once again she was talked into it. She had sex – all kinds – with the 12 men. “It was really hard because I really felt like a piece of meat … in a lion’s cage, 12 lions … I had to do a lot of things I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do.” She was paid $4,000.

So, $4000.00 is apparently the going rate now to be able to allow every man on the face of the planet to degrade Belladonna until she’s naught but dust in a casket?

Or, this study.

In the second phase of her survey, Kelly found that:

100% of the women reported physical abuse in the club.

100% of the women reported sexual abuse in the club.

100% of the women reported verbal harassment in the club.

100% of the women reported being propositioned for prostitution in the club.

100% of women also witnessed these things happening to other strippers in the club

The women in the survey reported that customers have

1. spit on them

2. sprayed beer at them

3. flicked lit cigarettes at them

4. pelted them with ice, coins, trash, condoms, room keys, pornography, and golf balls

5. hit them with cans and bottles

6. pulled their hair

7. yanked them by the arm or ankle

8. ripped their costumes or tried to pull their costumes off.

9. bitten, licked, slapped, punched, and pinched them

All of which I had experienced when I was in the sex industry as well.

Even more these are the things they’re thinking about while they’re gyrating for you –

“I daydream about nothing in particular to pass the time of 12 minutes.”

“I’m thinking about how good I look in the mirrors and how good I feel in dance movements.”

“I tell myself to smile.”

“I think about getting high and that I am making money to get high.”

“I am giving these guys every chance to be decent, so that I don’t have to be afraid of them.”

“I am filled with disdain for the customers who do not tip, but sit and watch and direct you to do things for no money.”

“I think of how cheap these fuckers are, what bills I need to pay.”

And, when they’re doing that lapdance? Again, most of the things I have felt before myself when I was working in the sex industry –

Strippers engaged in private dances reported these reactions:

“I don’t want him to touch me, but I am afraid he will say something violent if I tell him ‘no’.”

“I was thinking about doing prostitution because that’s when customers would proposition me.”

“I could only think about how bad these guys smell and try to hold my breath.”

“I spent the dance hyper-vigilant to avoiding their hands, mouths, and crotches.”

“I was glad we were allowed to place towels on the guys’ laps, so it wasn’t so bad.”

“I don’t remember because it was so embarrassing.”

Still think those women just love what they’re doing?

read on

Prostitutes in one study had this to say –

89% had been molested or raped as children (2/3 of the molesters were fathers, stepfathers, or foster fathers)

38% reported that they had been used in porn as children

97% of them had been raped as adults

70% reported that sexual abuse affected their decision to prostitute.

44% percent had attempted suicide

24% of those who’d been raped said that their rapist had specifically mentioned his use of pornography during the crime

22% of those who’d been molested as children said that their molester used pornography during the crime or mentioned its use during the crime

Or, check out what Shelly Lubben has to say about her time in the sex industry.

And you know what’s scary? There’s more, thousands more stories from the sex industry. I took this teeny, tiny sample from OAG’s website. I have an entire list of websites that are bookmarked that have hundreds more stories attached to them all of them different, all of them unique and all of them saying the same thing. They were abused and harmed while in the sex industry.

Then, there are the stories of suicide, the stories of murder. Prostitutes, porn stars, so many women in the sex industry who are dying in the industry. At some point you’d think that we’d be collectively screaming ENOUGH! But we don’t do we? Or rather, the men don’t. Because, as I’ve asserted before, men believe they have a right to the bodies of these women.

By and large the women in the sex industry are destroyed shells. Existing but not living. Drinking, doing drugs, self-medicating the pain while they are used and beaten and raped and their stories, their lives go unnoticed.

The numbers don’t lie and they’re also not hidden. The statistics and studies that have been done have shown conclusively that women in these jobs are hurt, raped, abused, and harassed at every level.

For $4000.00 you can film forever the degradation of one woman by 12 ‘men’. You can film it and you can make money off of it, off of her degradation and pain, for as long as technology allows it. Long after she’s dead in her grave that $4000.00 will continue to bring you money. Long after she dies penniless in a car accident (Linda Lovelace) you will be able to make money from her rape.

The numbers are out there, the stories are out there, but we’re screaming them into a wind of denial by men. So many left-leaning men are quick to research a company before they purchase something from them, unless and until it comes to prostitutes and porn stars. And then, when the information is put before them, they close their eyes and insist it doesn’t exist. Yeah, male privilege is nice that way.

The abuses continue as the men eat it up, the more painful and degrading the better. The girls are used and destroyed, committing suicide, dying of overdoses, or melting into oblivion penniless and forever bearing the mark of the sex industry. And despite what they want you to believe it is NOT just “a rare occurrence”, it infects the industry. Yet, industry defenders are quick to point to the women who have ‘made it’. The Jenna Jameson’s of the world, and even they are not immune. Ms. Jameson herself has experienced rapes and abuses that would crush any man I’ve ever met. How exactly is she not a victim again?

When you masturbate to the image of a porn star it is more likely than not that you are benefiting from rape. When you hire a prostitute you are more likely than not benefiting from her rape. You are benefiting from the fear, the worry, the low self-esteem inflicted onto her from men just like you. If you believe yourself a ‘good man’ then how can you use these women? These broken women who have a long history of abuse, rape, molestation?

Why? Because they are not human. Very often even women direct their anger to the bottom tier of the sex industry. They grow angry with the ‘tarts’, the ‘whores’ the ‘bimbos’ and the rage falls squarely onto the shoulders of these young girls who are simply following through with the training that men have given them. These women are victims…no, strike that, these women are survivors that have more courage, willpower and desire to live than any man I have ever met.

They have the ability to weather the storms of rape, violence, and molestation and they continue to live…broken as they are. They defy the violence that has been wreaked upon them and exist despite it, and perhaps that is yet another reason that men hate them. They exist despite how you have tried to break them.

Is it a stereotype? Sure it is, but you know what? When the numbers back you up it ceases to be a stereotype and becomes fact. Stereotypes are unfounded, malicious rumors that exist merely to create fear and loathing of a person. FACT however, is when the statistics and the studies and the numbers stand in your favor. The fact of the matter is that sex-industry workers are in big trouble. The facts are that the majority of them suffer through abuse regularly. The fact is that most of them have been raped, abused and more. Those are FACTS.

The fact is that if you give the sex industry your money you are fueling the drive for degradation, for harder and more damaging abuses. You are fueling a culture filled to teeming with broken women and the results are so much more far reaching than you ever thought. (A fact I will get into in later posts) You don’t want to benefit from the rape of women? Then stop doing it. Stop giving your money and intimate support to an industry that benefits from the rape of women.

You don’t like the mafia? You don’t like benefiting from the pain of women? Then stop it. Stop the excuses, stop the dumb act, stop the rhetoric. The stories are out there, they’re solid, and they’re real. The numbers are out there and they are equally real. The truth is, that if you don’t like an industry that destroys women then you have the power to make it stop, just stop putting your dick over the needs of women. It’s simple.

They’re hurting, and if you boycott Wal-Mart and Nike and other businesses but you don’t boycott and fight against the sex industry then you are a hypocrite of the worst order.

The sex industry is promoting and causing rape, so much work and study has been done on the topic that Donnerstein states that the “Correlation between porn and rape is greater than the correlation between smoking and lung cancer”.

These women are just as deserving of your sympathy as the workers at Wal-Mart. They’re just as deserving of being fought for as any child in China but unlike these other causes there are very few of us standing in support of them. The rank and file of people standing shoulder to shoulder to fight the oppressor that is the sex industry is abysmally small.

If you hate war, then wake up and see the war that is being waged daily on women. If you hate men abusing women then stop taking your part in the abuse. These are human beings and all of the stories above are coupled with more stories, thousands of them. More than I could ever quote, a blog could never contain all the stories, all the numbers all the statistics. I could write and not stop writing for years if I tried to chronicle the stories that come out of the sex industry. Every day there are MORE stories, more tales, more destruction.

Do the research, see what there is to see. The women in the sex industry are on the front lines of the sexism that flows like water through our society. You don’t think I know what men think? You’re only fooling yourself. As a woman who interacts with men sexually I know EXACTLY what most of them are thinking. The fact is that the most violent pornography is the stuff that sells the best.

Even pro-pornography sites recognize this. As I was hunting for more information this morning I stumbled upon a porn site (WARNING- DO NOT click on that link. It is a link to a porn site). I wasn’t going to mention it but the irony went too deep. It’s an article that discusses the degradation inherent in pornography; it accepts it and acknowledges it. It’s a good article, that recognizes the harm in porn and while their ideas clearly do not mesh with my own, even the pro-porn crowd admits that not only is degradation rampant but it is also the highest selling stuff on the market.

That link and the story therein, is a good read if you can stomach the porn site and the links to even harsher sites. The point is that even ardently pro-porn people still contend that abuse is there and that men LIKE to see it, that they crave it, that they want more of it.

If you don’t support abuse then stop supporting it. Women are being made to do the most disgusting things and if you, as a human being, think that taking someone who is already broken and breaking her further is wrong then stand up and try to stop it. But don’t, for all that is holy, contend that it’s not happening.

How many women must be sacrificed before we get that they are the victims? How many stories need to come out before we finally fix this broken record? How many? What’s your number? Before you start to care? How many Belladonna’s have to be hurt before you believe the statistics? Before you STOP yourself from participating in the gang-degradation that you have come to love?

~BB

P.S.
For more stories, numbers, studies and examples see the sidebar. Diana Russell is a great source, as is Nikki Craft and Hustling the Left. Browse through the stuff on the sidebar and you’ll get a peek at some of the research I’ve been keeping for years.

Published in: on August 4, 2008 at 8:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

Porn Week: The partners of sex industry supporters

 

Originally published April 11, 2006

People oftentimes say that the only people who are hurt in the sex industry are sex workers and the men because they have their money taken from them (I know, it’s laughable but true, people honestly DO say that men are victims in this regard).

However, I did say that the sex industry hurts people at every level and that’s what I want to talk about today. Yesterday I wrote about how it hurts the women who are actually in the thick of things. Today, I want to talk about women who are currently with men who actively participate in the sex industry.

These are the wives and intimates of men who use pornstitution (I LOVE that word Sam!) and their pain is every bit as real as the pain of the women who are providing the service.

Women who are the partners of men who use pornography are greatly harmed by the men who use it. There are two levels of harm.

1. The internal harm to women.

2. The external harm to women.

Basically, for the internal harm, I’ve classified harms that are not directly related to the men, things like low-self esteem, self-doubt and so on. In the external category I’ve classified things like rape by men and pressure to do painful things.

I’ll start with internal.

Women who live with men who actively engage in pornstitution suffer many internal harms, one of them is self-esteem issues. Oftentimes women will see their partners watching women that they can ‘never measure up to’. They, rightfully so, begin to wonder if that’s what their partners really want. They look in the mirror and see that they are neither a size 2 with enormous breasts nor do they have blue eyes and blonde hair.

Their self-esteem is further damaged when they ask their partners why they’re looking at these other women this way. Men will often respond with something that they know to be a lie like, “Well, I don’t like any of them, I’d much rather be with you!” The women fear (perhaps for good reason) that their partner is lying to them. Surely, if he wanted to be with them then he wouldn’t be fantasizing about women who are nothing like her…right? The term ‘fantasy’ is often used to refer to something we want. For example, I don’t fantasize about eating rotten eggs because, I have no desire to eat rotten eggs.

So, the patent denial from these men serves to make her question more. She knows that what he’s saying is rubbish. After all, if she’s been with him for awhile and knows anything about pornography she knows that he can get any sort of porn that he wants. If he really wanted her type of body, or hair or whatever, then he could find it. It’s not that difficult to do.

So first, her self-esteem is damaged. She fears that her partner doesn’t find her as attractive and this sets up a ‘competition’ with the women in the sex industry (which will come into play later on as well).

Next, she begins to doubt herself and her ‘ability’ to ‘keep him happy’ sexually. Her self-esteem has already taken a big knock, hell, finding out that you’re not your partners ideal fantasy is pretty heavy shit. And so now, she is in the perfect position to fall into the self-doubt. She begins wondering if she’s any good in bed, she isn’t doing the things that the women are doing in his movies and strip clubs. She doesn’t scream like that, or act like that, or talk like that, or suck dick like that, or take anal sex like that, or any other number of the lies that pornography tells. She doesn’t do any of that. And since, she reckons that he’d be looking up people like her if he really wanted HER then the self-doubt settles in.

She begins to doubt her personality, her attractiveness, her desirability (both emotional and physical). Soon, she’s a wreck; she’s full of self-doubt and low self-esteem which are two great big risk factors for depression.

Often women will say that they feel like they’ve been ‘cheated’ on. That their husband is giving all this attention to a woman she can never be. They feel like they have been ‘betrayed’ and can’t figure out why they hurt so badly when everyone is saying that it’s ‘normal’ for him to watch porn. Hell, she’s probably even being advised to watch porn with him at couples counseling because it will, “help you become more intimate”.

She doubts herself and second guesses her feelings on it. She ‘catches’ her partner watching porn and feels betrayed and cheated on but she isn’t allowed to express those emotions because of the pornification of our society. If she expressed them then her fears will be seen as ‘prudish’ and ‘unfounded’. This creates a rift inside of her, she doesn’t want to feel so badly, but she can’t help it. She tries to minimize her pain and doesn’t tell anyone because she’s probably heard before that, “It’s normal for guys to look at porn”.

Now she is riddled with self-doubt, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” she chastises herself. “I should be able to understand that it’s normal”, “I should be secure in my relationship” and so on and so forth.

At this point men come into the picture. They have always been in the picture, in fact, it is their sense of entitlement that put her into this position in the first place. His insistence that he has a ‘right’ to porn and thus, in her mind, he has a ‘right’ to hurt her is what brought her here to begin with. But of course, until now he has just been a passive actor. He’s ‘only’ been indulging in his ‘right’ to look at porn. Too bad for her, whatever she feels is her own problems stemming from her own insecurities…right? (clearly, I don’t believe this, but for the sake of this post and keeping it on track I won’t go there)

Now, his actions become active, putting her pain squarely into the ‘external’ category.

Here’s a few, once again from OAG’s site (her site it the handiest I have around, I STRONGLY recommend it to anyone who’s looking for information!)

… I was raped and assaulted on two different occasions by an ex who was obsessed with porn. Also, while we were involved, he constantly made me do sexual things that i was not comfortable doing, such as acting out porn or taping us having sex, and would make me feel like scum if i tried to refuse. The stuff he did to me will be with me for the rest of my life; It doesn’t get any easier and it’s not something you can just move on from. People have got to start paying attention to what porn does to the women who are involved, both on screen and off…

Porn is gross! I believe only sick people at it .I knew someone with a bad porn habit, this person was abusive to me and to my sister, worst of all after looking at this porn he would want to have sex with me and get into things he had seen in the porn. What he did hurt and it still hurts to this day.

..then, i got pregnant..he kept buying magazines especially while i had a big belly… i cried everyday. i still do. i have tried to do things he wants me to do in bed..but he would still look at it.

I was molested by 3 different men throughout my childhood –all of which used pornography as a visual aid in order to get me to perform.

Also, we have some stuff from Dr. Diana Russell

“I don’t need studies and statistics to tell me that there is a relationship between pornography and real violence against women. My body remembers.” — Woman’s testimony, 1983.

A letter was sent to the United States Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography reporting that: “A mother and father in South Oklahoma City forced their four daughters, ages ten to seventeen, to engage in family sex while pornographic pictures were being filmed” (1986).

And these are not isolated examples. Visit an anti-pornography board sometime where people who are hurt by porn and recovering addicts are coming together. The theme of men asking, demanding and taking things that they see in porn is so commonplace as to be ‘normal’. Hundreds of stories, hundreds of thousands of stories, all of them experienced by a woman. All of them referring to their partners using porn to hurt them, it’s not a tiny percentage here.

The simple fact of the matter is that men are asking women to do what ‘those women’ do and by the time they start making her do these thins she has already had her self-esteem severely damaged and there is too much self-doubt flooding through her mind.

By the time he gets around to pressuring her to do things there is little resistance. She has been primed to offer as little resistance as possible. Men are asking their partners to do the same sorts of things that they’re doing in the sex industry. My own experiences are consistent with this theme and I am but one experience in an entire world full of them.

Remember the numbers from yesterday? Do you remember the percentage of prostitutes whose attackers used porn as a guide? Clearly not every man who looks at porn is a violent rapist, however it’s important to remember that these things happen on a continuum. While not all of them are raping women, a good portion of them may be ‘nagging’ her into doing something they see in pornstitution. Telling her, “If you loved me you’d do it” or some other manipulative threat. These experiences are traumatic for women, who simply want to feel good with their partners.

Often, women coming out of relationships with these men have low-self esteem and carry a torrent of stories about rapes that they are only able to define as such later. Many of them talk about being raped in a specific way that they saw in their partner’s pornography.

Other women are incessantly asked to ‘do it like she does’ while being given a pornography as an illustration. The simple fact of the matter is that, for these men, the fact that they are hurting their partners means nothing to them. Their partner’s pain and wishes are thrown to the side in favor of pornstitution.

Pornography does affect men’s ability to relate to women, I’ve done posts on it in the past, specifically For the Number Hounds. That post is chock a block full of numbers, statistics and so on.

Here are a few stats from the post, for example –

Regular users of pornography are more likely to think of women in stereotype, (1) as “socially non-discriminating, as hysterically euphoric in response to just about any sexual or pseudosexual stimulation, and as eager to accommodate seemingly any and every sexual request.” (2)
Allan, K., & Coltrane, S. (1996). Gender displaying television commercials: A comparative study of television commercials in the 1950s and 1980s. Sex roles, 35 (3/4), 185-203.
Zillman, D., & Bryant, J. (1984). Effects of massive exposure to pornography. In N. M. Malamuth, & E. Donnerstein (Eds), Pornography and Sexual Aggression (pp. 115-142). Orlando, FL: Academic Press

Regular users of pornography are more likely to have sexually callous attitudes and accept the rape myth (that when a woman says “no,” she means “yes.”)
Allen, M., Emmers, T., Gebhardt, L., & Giery, M.A. (1995). Exposure to pornography and acceptance of rape myths. Journal of Communication, 45 (1), 5-26; Saunders, R.M., & Naus, P.J. (1993). The impact of social content and audience factors on responses to sexually explicit videos. Journal of Sex Education and Therapy, 19 (2), 117-131

Regular users of pornography have increasingly hostile and aggressive sexual fantasies.
Malamuth & McIlwraith (1988). Fantasies and exposure to sexually explicit magazines. Communication Research, 15 (6), 753-771.

Regular users of pornography are less likely to convict for a rape, and less likely to give a harsh sentence to a rapist if in fact convicted. Conversely, individuals who do not use pornography are more likely to convict an accused rapist
Garcia, L.T. (1986). Exposures to pornography and attitude about women and rape: A correlative study. AG 22 (1853) 382-383.
Zillman & Bryant, (1984). Effects of massive exposure to pornography. In N.M. Malamuth, & E. Donnerstein (Eds), Pornography and Sexual Aggression (pp. 115-142). Orlando, FL: Academic Press.

With all the drop in the ability to empathize it stands to reason that the men would also be unable to empathize with a woman who doesn’t want to do something she finds painful, degrading or both. The fact is that most women who’s partners have had issues related to the sex-industry have been asked, coerced, nagged and even forced to act out what they see in magazines. This is closely related to the process of turning fantasy into reality that we were discussing a few days ago.

With her self-esteem shattered and second guessing herself, her feelings, her ability to determine what ‘should’ and ‘should not’ bother her, she is ripe for the abuses that invariably come later.

Each and every single woman that I have ever spoken with whose partners engage the sex industry have been subject to abuses in some form or another.

Not only are they victimized by their partners who refuse to care about their feelings while they are actively engaged in pornstitution use. But they victimized again when the partners finally (if ever) decide to stop looking at it. They are told that they need to try to ‘understand’ when her partner ‘falls off the wagon’. Her outrage has no place to go and all of the understanding, attention and care is once again laid at the ‘addicts’ feet.

Even outside of the sphere of immediate influence (i.e. the users female partners) pornography still causes pain. Daughters of porn users have been raped and molested by men who are using porn. They’ve even been raped and molested with their abusers showing them porn, or using porn as a manual. And this is not a small, miniscule percentage of the population. Many survivors speak of their abuse with porn playing an active role in their abuse.

Even if the man doesn’t do something that extreme his ideals of women are shaped by pornography and the daughter, sister and so on is always affected.

Every woman within the personal sphere of a sex-industry supporter is affected by him; from his partner, to his children, all the way to his siblings and mothers. Even if that effect is ‘only’ a change in the man’s outlook on women they are still affected. And that outlook does change; it has been proven time and time again in study after study (check out the sidebar links for more information). When a man’s outlook and ideas about women change then the women in his life are ALWAYS affected.

Sometimes their outlook changes in a large way, in the cases of rape, abuse and so on. Sometimes the change is more subtle, in his demanding for sex whenever he wants it. His reduced empathy for pain, of any kind, that women experience. His ideals of what women are for. What constitutes ‘fat’ or ‘skinny’.

There really is no escape from it. When you have a man in your life that is engaged in the active degradation of women through the sex industry you are going to be affected, in some way.

The fear, the self-doubt and low self-esteem are bad enough but there is also the acts that she’s asked to perform or the acts that he just assumes she *should* be doing. Those thins are horribly damaging. To always feel like you’re never ‘good enough’ even after you try to be like the women that he wants is shattering to the self-esteem. And all of this is done in the name of male entitlement and privilege.

Even more troubling is the fact that men are being exposed to hard core pornography at increasingly younger ages. One of my sons friends actually came to me about 2 years ago, when he was 12 and asked me about fisting. He was TWELVE! He spoke to me because he wanted to know what I thought about porn; he confided that at the age of 12 he was watching 4 hours of pornography a day. Hard-core, no holds barred pornography. He asked me if women enjoy being fisted. I was utterly shocked that this child, this boy was asking me about these things.

I had a very long discussion with him about women, about what they like and what they don’t like. At the age of 12 I was having a discussion about sex with a young boy who believed that women had orgasm through anal sex and that penetration with a baseball bat or a mans fist was pleasurable for women.

Now, it’s safe to assume that this child had not had sex at his age. However, what will his expectations be when he does? What will he be expecting from his girlfriend? And how does one make him understand that a single woman saying, “Umm…no, I don’t like that idea” is important when there are hundreds of them standing up and saying, “Yes, please cause me pain”.

If children can be affected then adults can be affected. The studies show it and every girl that he runs into will be affected by his belief that these things are right and good. If we fast forward I wonder what that boy will expect of his girlfriend? When he was 12 he expected her to enjoy having a man come on her face, in fact, he believed that it would make her orgasm.

With the proof that the studies are showing us, that men are affected by regular use of pornography, then there is little doubt in my mind that his girlfriends will ALSO be affected by his pornography. And the saddest part of all is that these survivors are silenced by the masses. Men scream at them, tell them that they must have wanted it. They make excuses for the men saying, “Well, how was he supposed to know that she wouldn’t like to have his fist stuffed inside of her?”

Men who watch pornography are changed at a fundamental level, their ideas about what women are and what they should be is changed. They accept rape myths more easily and are far less willing to find an accused rapist guilty of the crime. In short, men who watch pornography affect the lives of the women around them and they wander on blissfully sure that they’re not doing anything wrong. Most of them never stop to think about it. Most of them never stop to think about why they unquestioningly accept a woman’s fake screams of pleasure as the real thing.

They are affected, they just don’t know it and, as men, they engage in the male privilege of believing that what they believe must always be true.

Men engaged in supporting the sex industry leave a path of destruction behind them that they are too self-absorbed to notice. When one reinforces the ‘fantasy’ that is presented in porn of a woman enjoying her degradation (through orgasm) then he is reinforcing this very important concept in his life as well. And once this has been reinforced often enough it is simply assimilated as a part of their belief system, it is then that the women in his life will suffer. As his demands for degrading sex continues, she will suffer. As his sense of entitlement grows, she will suffer. As his belief in the rape myths solidifies, she will suffer. And as his dissatisfaction with his sexual life (another effect of porn) grows, she will suffer. In the end, SHE is the one suffering, not him. He is simply too self-absorbed to give a fuck about her pain.

~BB

Published in: on August 4, 2008 at 8:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

Porn week- More about affecting women

 

Originally published April 13, 2006

Ok, after yesterday’s hiatus I’m ready to tackle the next part of Porn Week. This post is going to be two-fold. The first part of it is going to deal with how women are affected who have nothing to do with men. The women in our society who are lesbian for example, or the ones who choose to be single, or the ones who choose to stay as far away from men as they can.

The second part of this will discuss the affects that porn has on female consumers. The women who watch it, what harm it causes the women who choose to watch it.

Well, after Tuesdays post I figure that a few of you may have been thinking, “Well, that’s just fine and dandy BB. But what of the women who aren’t with men at all?” It’s a fine question because there are many women out there who aren’t with men, who choose to stay single or who love other women. Porn affects them as well.

Women who choose to stay single are affected by the pornography use of perfect strangers. For example, Holla Back just did a story about how a normal woman is affected by the consumption of porn by complete strangers. Note how the man had a video camera.

And this one isn’t the first. There are others out there, lots of women who have had porn referenced to them by complete strangers. I, personally, have had a complete stranger come up to me when I was in a library and ask me if I liked to watch porn. Many of us have experienced the boy in school who would come up to us with his copy of Penthouse that he lifted from his father and show it to us. Even as adults this is not uncommon. I’ve had friends who were chased from a library or computer lab because the man next to them was looking at pornography on the computers. Or worse yet, he and his friends were looking at porn and creating a hostile environment that she couldn’t work in.

What about the jurors on the Haidl rape case? They watched a video of a child being raped with bottles, pool cues and lit cigarettes but when they were told that the girl wanted to be a ‘porn star’ suddenly there was reasonable doubt. The very allegation that she wanted to do this cast reasonable doubt and resulted in a hung jury. Who knows if she had ever said such a thing? Perhaps she didn’t, it’s possible that she never even saw pornography until she saw her own rape on the television. But yet, pornography affected her. It affected her intimately as that first trial was hung. The mere mention of an allegation helped give the jury reasonable doubt.

But it gets better, women who come into only glancing contact with men are still exposed to their pornography use. Take the women (and there are MANY of us who fall into this category) who have been exposed to pornography at the workplace. These are women who oftentimes have nothing at all to do with pornography on their own. And yet, they are subjected to it at work as a form of harassment. Men, talking about strippers and porn stars, about x rated internet sites that they’ve found. I vividly remember the last job I had, I worked in Logistics and one of my co-workers had a thong clad woman on his desktop calendar. I also remember a conversation with a man who told me I looked like the stripper he saw last night. Who had the gall to tell me that I should be a stripper. Where would he have gotten the idea that this was an appropriate thing to say to a woman? That this was a flattering thing to say to a woman?

Pornography is still being forced down women’s throats in the workplace, on the street and in stores. Complete strangers, men whom she doesn’t know, will ask her about porn, show her porn, pin it up at desks and show it to them in public. To recall another story about my own experiences with this sort of thing I have to go back to when I was around 22. I was in my car, driving through town. The town had a series of stoplights and I somehow managed to hit them all. I was in the left lane, and a truck was in the right. The men noticed me at the first stoplight in a series of about five of them.

The weather was warm and I was enjoying my day with my car windows rolled down. At the first few stoplights the men in the truck next to me were hollering and winking at me. By time I got to the third one they had pulled a pornographic magazine from somewhere in the truck and were waving explicit images at me from their window. The more I ignored them the more they screamed.

They hollered to me, “Hey! You look like HER!” while holding the centerfold aloft. I leaned over and rolled up my window, ignoring them. However, they weren’t done and they followed me through several of the stoplights until I turned left and got away from them. Where would they have gotten the idea that a woman would want to be shown pornography? Where would they have gotten the idea that it was acceptable to keep pushing even after the woman has rolled her window up and is actively trying to ignore you?

This is not particularly uncommon. Women, who otherwise have nothing to do with pornography, being harassed by it and with it.

“But BB, that’s just a group of assholes! I don’t do any of that so I’m not adding to this problem”. Perhaps. But here’s the thing, the studies have repeatedly shown that men who view porn are changed by it. Men, who are otherwise ‘nice’, ‘caring’ men, begin to get the idea that women are pieces of meat and THIS translates into women being harassed more and more on the street.

Sure, maybe you don’t hold porn out of your car windows to harass women with it, but we know, all too well, that when guys scream at us, “Nice ASS!!!!” where they’re getting it from. We know exactly where they got the idea that I am the sum of my parts and that my parts were open to inspection and perusal at any time by them.

But it goes even farther than that, porn influences the reality of men and how they perceive women. Most of them won’t admit it when they’re actively using porn, but I haven’t met a man yet who hasn’t acknowledged this fact after they stop using it.

Nobody wants to admit that they are being programmed by something. We like to think of ourselves as clear-thinking autonomous individuals. Yet, every time we masturbate to an image we are reinforcing that image with chemicals.

Porn leaves a lasting chemical imprint in the brain.

And when the images of porn have been repeatedly reinforced by your own actions of masturbation then your outlook and how you view women in general changes. Suddenly, women are little more than ‘eye candy’, objects that are available for the male gaze each and every time they leave their homes.

From fat women, who are measured against the porn standard and then criticized openly and sometimes viscously by men. To thin women who are measured against the porn standard and subjected to disgusting comments by men. All the way down to the man who ‘just’ stares at the women in line at the grocery store. She is being affected by the porn use of the man she doesn’t know. Women become simply objects, and their existence is a testament to his ‘right’ to stare at her ass, or her breasts or her legs or whatever part he fetishizes about her. Pornstitution is step one in reducing women to body parts for the consumption of the male gaze.

The man in line behind you who stares at you until you’re squirming and uncomfortable, he is another example. The complete stranger at the store who feels that it’s his right to engage you in conversation and is pissed off when you respond in a non-porn style way and tell him to go away. These men have been affected by pornography. The man who undresses you with his eyes, or the men who criticize you openly about your legs or your hips. These are men who have taken the message that women are objects to be judged by men to heart.

You don’t think that men are affected? Well, once again we’ll have a look at some of the stuff that OAG has collected from a message board that does ‘reviews’ on pornographic pictures.

Here are a few comments I’ve lifted from that page for the purposes of this post.

Great Gonzagas

those are huge knockers and a butter face. but hey, they’d be handy if she had a toothache *and* was on the rag at the same time. if you know what i mean, and i think you do.

somebody drag it back into the water, and leave it there.

Asking If they’re fake is like asking if she has orgasms. who cares?

skank

Yes, indeed Mizike. I’d love to pound her in the ass.

Busted. Tits can only do so much for a guy. I love big yammers, but not with an accompanying face like hers.

I can see why she doesn’t want the focus on her face./would still hit it though

Butterface. /can’t believe no one said it yet

She’ll make a great intern some day.

she would suck the chrome off a trailer hitch….or a golf ball through a garden hose..trust me. How do these get through?

I’d hit it like a Korean whore in China.

I think my wang moved a little… wait… no it didn’t.
/yeah, I guess I’d still hit it. Good for a poke if the tele’s broke as they say.

These are just a few in reference to two women who were ‘judged’ by the men. Want to hear what they have to say about Britney Spears?

i’m not a big fan of spears, but big stars end up being role models to 14 year olds, so hopefully her busting outta her bra will inspire, this generation of 14y/o to be mega-cleavage showing sluts.

Does anyone else think the Olsen twins are hot? Does it matter to anyone that they’re only like 15?

I can’t wait until Britney’s all washed up… You know she’ll be taking it all off once her music career is over.. 😉

I want to know if she swallow, spit or gargle.

She is just a trailer trash girl who needs to be barefoot and preg…..

What a brainless sack of meat. She has the potential to be a fark puppet (as long as she doesn’t open her mouth to speak) or an organ bank (until the parts run out), but sadly, nothing much besides that.

If I can’t pin her ankles behind her ears and drive the ol’ skin bus into tuna town, the terrorists have already won.

now this is dirty. Mmmmmmm. hot little hussy, tempting us all with those virginal gazes whilst wrapped up in slutsville

I don’t get it, Maybe if you put a bag over her face then I might do her, but dang she ugly

I wish she’d turn into a porn star already and just become cum fodder and yesterdays news.

There are hundreds more of them, thousands more, each of them more despicable than the last. And you know what? I suspect that if you took any one of them aside and told them that they were misogynist idiots they’d argue with you until they were blue in the face. Why? Because pornography blurs that line so much that they believe, most likely with all their heart, that they ‘like’ women. In fact, they’ll look at a phrase like “Maybe if you put a bag over her face then I might do her” as a compliment. Oh, and please don’t use the tired line that they’re ‘just’ internet trolls and they’re not really like that. I’ve done plenty of posts on that topic before.

Of course, despite what they want you to believe their comments and attitudes say differently don’t they? Nah, porn doesn’t change the male outlook on women…not at all *snark*.

But what of lesbians? You know, women who love other women. Women who don’t want anything to do with men sexually? How in the hell can they be affected by male porn usage? Well, gentle readers, I’ve done posts on this before. Here’s a link –The Lesbian Caricature as well as another post that goes into Lesbianism for men.

Even lesbians are being pulled into male pornography, the control that men must exert on a woman who has no desire to be with men results in the proliferation of men wanting to see, “real lesbians” and “lesbian women fucking women” (sitemeter searches). Even lesbians, that group of women who have no desire to be with men, are affected by pornography and male usage of it. They are at once fetishized, feared and hated.

Finally, we have women who watch pornography. To that all I can say is that other feminist bloggers have done excellent articles on what it did to them as well (For those who have done those articles, I can’t find the links right now. If you want to, could you repost them in the comments?) I’ve done my story about how pornography affected me, as a female. It’s not much different from the stories of other radical bloggers.

Quite simply, women are affected by male use of pornstitution and they are affected by female use of pornstitution. From the catcalls and stares to the porn in the workplace. Lesbians, single women, even separatists are affected because pornography changes the people whom it touches. The expectations of men change, the expectations for women change. Porn props up harassment and objectification and if you, as a man or a woman, think that porn isn’t affecting your outlook on sex, women, or the world, then you are sadly mistaken.

Perhaps, instead of insisting that YOU are above the influences of pornography, you instead think about ways that you have been affected by it. Because you have been affected by it and therefore each and every single woman who comes into contact with you, whether it’s the stranger who’s tits you stared at in the store, or the fat woman who’s weight you criticized or the co-worker who was exposed to you and your buddies talking about the HOTTT strippers you saw the night before, YOU are affected. And, in turn, you affect those women around you who are already bombarded with images, movies, commercials and so on that marginalizes and objectifies them.

Next time you have a sexual thought, see what influence pornography has played in creating that thought. The next time you think about that woman’s ass in the store ask yourself why you’ve put so much emphasis on her ass to begin with. The next time you criticize that woman who is overweight and who is eating a piece of cake, ask yourself why you believe you have a right to criticize her. Ask yourself what she ‘should’ look like and why you believe that you have a right to determine what any woman ‘should’ look like. The next time a woman is eating an ice cream cone in front of you and you think about whether she’d be good at giving you head, ask yourself where that comes from.

Maybe then, you’ll understand what I’m saying.

Published in: on August 4, 2008 at 8:02 pm  Leave a Comment  
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