It has come to my attention (thanks OAG!) that there’s a new thing in prostitution circles now. It’s the GFE, or rather, the “Girl Friend Experience”. Now, I am admittedly not readily familiar with more recent terminology in prostitution and so I hunted around a bit to find out what this GFE is all about.
Apparently it’s a prostitute that acts like a girlfriend. She has sex without a condom, french kisses and overall tries to play the part of her client’s girlfriend.
At first this really surprised me, then however it really began to make sense to me. As most of you know I was a stripper and I’ve shared stories before about how men would get very upset if you didn’t act like you enjoyed them buying your body. In fact, this was played out on one of the posts I did not too long ago. I mentioned how most strippers that I knew, myself included, would oftentimes be thinking horrible thoughts about the men they were giving lapdances for. We’d be focusing on their wacky hairdo or yellow teeth, really it was any little thing we could find wrong with them. Why? Because when you’re being bought and sold as a piece of meat it’s simply a self-defense mechanism to pick apart the looks, smile, hygiene or whatever else from the person who’s doing the buying.
In any case the article Stripping, my experience was immediately linked to from a hostile site. The tone of the article I wrote was that the women you are paying for actually resent you, and, in fact, instead of being awed by your manliness are probably laughing at you behind the scenes.
Quite frankly this pissed off the largely male audience at the hostile site and they went on to say some pretty vicious things about me for telling them that *gasp* a woman doesn’t actually love being treated as property. I didn’t bother to read the hostile link, mostly because I don’t really do that. Dubhe is the one who can’t seem to stop reading all the hateful things that are posted about me but I tend to ignore it because these folks aren’t my target audience and to be honest, they mean exactly jack shit to me. However, the reaction of anger that came from that post didn’t surprise me; I’ve confronted this mindset many times in my life.
Men who buy a woman’s body but also want her to be happy that they bought it. In fact, as a quick side trip (which really is related to this post I promise!) I’ll relay a story to you about something that happened early on in my relationship with Dubhe. Having been a stripper and an escort I have a special affinity and indeed, a special rage, in my heart over men who frequent these ‘businesses’. I’ve been at the receiving end of hordes of harassment and things that went well beyond what I was being paid to do. Of course, there is very little recourse for strippers when they are sexually harassed on the job. You sign up to take off your clothes and make some money but oftentimes the reality is men trying to finger your asshole or vagina as you walk past. Men spitting on you or pouring beer on you. Men throwing change at you or bottles or ashtrays. Men grabbing your hair, slapping, hitting, spitting and pushing.
These things are bound to create anger and frustration in ANY person who experiences them. With that in mind I get very, very angry at men who frequent these establishments. Now, as you all know Dubhe pulled himself from the bowels of the Patriarchy, he’s still learning, still growing and still working his ass off.
However, way back when we got on the topic of stripping and I found out that he had been to a strip club. I asked him if he knew that the woman hated him? I asked him if he knew that she was most likely looking at him through half closed eyes but inside she was suppressing a gag reflex that went a mile deep. I told him that it’s likely that she not only didn’t WANT to be getting off some slob with a lap dance but that she most likely actively HATED him on some level. That she may have, at some point, been fantasizing about stabbing his eyes out with an ice pick. I know I did.
His reaction was normal insofar as this sort of thing goes. He was offended. He was surprised and offended that she wouldn’t like him. He was pouty and frustrated and assured me that I was wrong, that the girl couldn’t have felt that way about him because “I was a (can anyone fill in the blank?)…..”NICE GUY” after all, I didn’t grope her and I didn’t say lewd things to her, I was a “NICE GUY!”
Of course, I pointed out that it took vast quantities of entitlement and privilege to believe for one instant that you can BUY a human being and that they’ll be somehow happy and grateful to you for doing them the honor. Not to mention, if you were such a NICE GUY, then why did you buy the use of her body to begin with?
Dubhe is not isolated in his reaction to men finding out that the woman they just bought and used was not ecstatically happy about being nothing more than a piece of meat for your pudgy hard on. Oftentimes with these men I like to ask them a series of questions, “Did you ever think about her life? Did you ever give a shit about her past? Her experiences? Did you ever even realize that she had a fucking NAME?”
Of course they never really think about any of those things but yet, they expect the woman that they’re buying to think about all those things about them. Can anyone tell that this is something that bothers the fuck out of me? *cough* to get back on topic, the point of all that was to illustrate that this phenomenon of Girl Friend Experience doesn’t really surprise me.
Men, by and large, don’t only want to buy women but they want women to enjoy being bought. When they find out that a woman doesn’t really love being bought and sold they get angry, pouty and indignant. It would be funny if it weren’t so fucking insulting. When they find out that, in fact, the object they purchased wasn’t very happy with them their little porn-induced world illusion is shattered. It oftentimes comes as a complete surprise to these guys that women don’t actually lurve being humiliated, degraded and purchased like a rat terrier. It really becomes a sort of paradigm smasher when it becomes obvious that many of these women actively dislike them.
Why? Well it’s simple really; women know that we are ‘othered’ all the time. To hear men talk we’re not like them at all. We enjoy having babies, changing diapers and then being anally fucked by our husbands at night. Of course, men don’t or wouldn’t enjoy that themselves but women do because they’re the ‘other’. Women just like degrading things because they’re just ‘different’. Things that men would hate women just lap up.
This is a classic example of ‘othering’ we are the other; we are something fundamentally different from men. Therefore, men can watch a woman being raped by a Great Dane and actually believe that some women just LOVE to be raped by Great Danes because, well, women are just ‘different’. (which, btw, I’ve been meaning to do a post on. Bestiality and porn, it promises to be quite long and, hopefully, good) When they find out that women don’t like so many of the things that they themselves would abhor then suddenly they can’t be ‘othered’ quite as easily.
So, a man coming face to face with an angry woman who is telling them that the stripper they paid to give them a lapdance could have been fantasizing about poking his eyeballs from his sockets with an icepick is generally turned on as the enemy because she is smashing his nice, neat little paradigm (the sound of the indignation, wrath, poutiness and general bashing that ensues is the sound of a paradigm shifting without a clutch).
People in general, and men in specific, do not at all enjoy being faced with the reality that a woman is not ‘other’. That we like and dislike most of the same things that men would like or dislike. When they realize this they get angry because it would infer that they’re doing something wrong. If THEY wouldn’t like being bought as a cum receptacle and they’re finding out that women may not like being bought as a cum receptacle it becomes much more difficult to keep that wall of disassociation in place. We can no longer be ‘othered’ and this means that the man must suddenly decide whether he’s really the ‘nice guy’ he always thought he was.
In any case when I heard about this I was reminded immediately of the “nice guy” syndrome as it pertains to stripping and the parts of the industry I was involved with. If a dude wasn’t throwing ashtrays at you, slapping your breasts or pulling your hair he was a ‘nice guy’ and therefore you were expected to be slaveringly grateful to them. The fact that they had just bought you doesn’t mean that they’re not a ‘nice guy’, no, of course not. It just means that they’re normal men and thus are able to distinguish themselves from those ‘not nice guys’.
This is possible only because of the ‘othering’ that I talked about further up. They reason that because we are ‘other’ then it’s possible and indeed, quite likely, that we simply can’t be understood and therefore it’s possible and even likely that we enjoy the treatment that they would find ing, humiliating and debasing.
So, does it surprise me that men suddenly want, not just a hole, but a hole that acts like it’s happy to be a hole? No, not really. Think for a moment about the encounters you’ve had with men. Perhaps it was with your husband or your lover. You didn’t feel like having sex but maybe he was nagging and nagging and nagging and you thought it would just be easier to give in. You sigh and say, “Fine, whatever. Hurry up and get it over with!”
How did that go over? I know that for me when I’ve been in this situation the guy who pushed you so hard just a scant second before will normally look at you as if you’ve just grown a third arm. “Well, no. If you’re going to be THAT way about it!” is the usual reply. The attitude that follows is often sulky, nasty tempered and grouchy, in my case it would also be very dangerous for me. So, after one or two instances like this you quickly learn that you’re not just expected to give up sex, but to act as though you enjoy it. To do otherwise would result in the nasty paradigm shifting discussed earlier and since you’re the closest target then the rage a man experiences over having his ‘othering’ challenged will be directly aimed at you.
So what do we do? Oftentimes we sigh internally but externally we act as though we’re into him and while he’s going at it and we’re screaming that almost ridiculously falsetto porn scream we are internally ticking off what we need to buy for groceries the next day.
Make no mistake about it, they want to fuck you but they want you to ACT like you WANT them to fuck you. We are not only expected to fuck on demand but to ENJOY fucking on demand. Wanna make any guesses where this idea that she loves fucking all the time every time comes from? Anyway, back to the post. Apparently men are paying more for prostitutes who will give them a GFE, which is really just a fancy way of saying, “I’ll pay you more to act like you like being bought”.
Seriously, think about this for a moment. The guys who pay for a GFE are perhaps the worst of the lot because they already recognize that prostitutes most certainly do not really want them, and have definitely realized that many prostitutes are downright disgusted by them but yet they don’t give a fuck.
They already KNOW that the prostitute doesn’t like them but have decided that she is so much of an object that she can FAKE liking him and his conscience is clear. And, in a good many of them, knowing that she doesn’t want him fucking with her but paying her to pretend she does gives him a great big chubby dick from the mere thought of the control.
He deliberately ignores that a prostitute is likely disgusted by him but it doesn’t matter, and, in fact, he is likely getting off on that knowledge. With a guy like this we can’t even give him the benefit of the doubt by saying, “Well, I dunno, maybe he thought that she really liked him” with a nervous shrug and a hopeful look. No, we KNOW that this guy is aware that the woman doesn’t like him and most likely wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole any other time. He KNOWS this, so he just goes ahead and pays her more money to pretend and the owner paradigm fits completely into place with this final indignation. Dude, talk about buying someone heart and soul.
Then of course there’s the entitlement aspect. The men who engage in such a thing not only believe that it’s right and appropriate to buy away a woman’s loathing of them and that she should act like she likes it, but they also believe that they, for whatever reason, have a right to a relationship. They have a right to buy another human being, use it, discard it, and she should pretend that she enjoys it. Wow, talk about living in a fantasy. Talk about male entitlement and privilege.
The women who are doing this are, of course, opening themselves to great risk. They’re at huge risk of contracting diseases, some of them fatal, so that a guy can completely and entirely ‘own’ that woman for the period of time it takes for him to fuck her and get his rocks off on whatever porn induced fetish he has.
And make no mistake about it, the fact that she doesn’t like him and she’s pretending she does anyway is a big part of this. He’s controlling her and he’s forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do because this system has placed women squarely in poverty just so they can have a sex class to use when they want it. That sort of power is what these guys are craving. So, not only does she have to endure degrading anal sex by a man she doesn’t know but she has to kiss him and smile and pretend that he’s not hurting her either. This GFE is the epitome of exercising complete and universal control over another human being. These men are buying not only a human being but the outward expression of that human being’s emotions. They’re putting her at tremendous risk in their frenzy to control and dominate another person and indeed, it’s part of what gets them off.
This has nothing to do with a poor lonely guy looking for someone to play pretend with. No, not in a million years. It has everything to do with controlling the minds of the objects you bought. These are privileged men who believe that they have some immutable ‘right’ to purchase a woman and that she should like being purchased. It has nothing to do with tenderness or closeness and everything to do with the thrill of paying a woman enough money that you can inflict upon her any number of STD’s and it’s too damned bad for her. What a power trip it must be to know that you have not only bought the wet holes for your use but that those holes will act as though they enjoy it while you do any manner of degrading things to them that you want, and it’s just an extra bonus that she has no idea whether your infecting her with AIDS or any number of STD’s.
Don’t be fooled. These guys aren’t looking for a girlfriend. They’re not looking for tenderness, kissing, touching and so on. They’re looking for the ultimate control and domination that money will buy. They’re looking at being able to do anything they want and knowing that she will pretend to enjoy every second of it.
It never ceases to amaze me what new, controlling, domineering and violating thing men are capable of cooking up. I am endlessly amazed by how much power white males have in this society and how they are still seeking more. How the power of being the ruling class is not enough for them. How the power of buying a body for their use is not enough for them. How the power of the fear of a rape culture is not enough for them. How the power of living in a world in which women are displayed, contorted and free to every man who wants a quick power trip isn’t enough for them. They must continue to work up new and better ways of taking more power and more control. Up to and including buying not just the body, but the outward expression of emotion from that body as well and then getting off on that expressed power. The power to dominate and own, the power to hurt and cause fear and yet, they still crave more.
And you know what the really ironic part is? The part that makes my gut kind of twist in a sickening grind? It’s the fact that these men will come to the prostitutes asking for a GFE and they’ll be entirely focused on feeling badly for themselves. How horrible their pathetic little lives are that no woman will touch them with a ten foot pole. How sad for them that nobody has yet to be able to see what a kind, generous caring dude he is. And they’ll go on and on about how their wives are cold-hearted bitches or how the women are never able to see what a great catch he is.
They’ll go on and on about what a ‘nice guy’ they are and how there’s nothing wrong with HIM but rather women just like ‘bad boys’ or women are so shallow that they can’t see what a fucking gem he is. He’ll go on and on and on about his torturous life of pain and torment and loneliness but you know what will never, ever cross his tiny little mind? The fact that the woman he is paying to pretend to be his girlfriend is drug addicted and she grew up with her stepfather raping her from the age of 7. And how, at the age of 12 she left the house because her mother didn’t believe her and she ran away to avoid further abuse. And how she is now only 15 and is working as a prostitute who is trying like hell to just stay off the streets and how she’ll be servicing two more men that night after he is done with her.
None of that actually occurs to these men. The ‘talkers’ want to go on and on about their horrible wives or horrible girlfriends or they want to chat it up about how they’re really prince charming but no woman can see how amazing and wonderful they are. And all the while they will ignore or gloss over the fact that the woman they are currently speaking to has been bought and is about to be used for her cunt. It’s all about how bad their lives are but never, for a moment, do any of them say, “You know what? I’ve changed my mind. How about you take this $100.00 and use it to pay the rent with. No strings attached, you don’t have to fuck me. Just take this because I don’t like the fact that I’m paying to own another human being.”
Nah, that’s something they never do. Why? Because we are the ‘other’.