It’s Over

Well, it’s all over and I’m breathing a gigantic sigh of relief. Last Tuesday I went to Planned Parenthood for the first of 4 visits in an effort to end this pregnancy. The first thing that struck me when I walked through the doors on Tuesday morning was the security. I was first buzzed into an ‘antechamber’, a small room that led to the waiting room. It was concrete and sported a large bulletproof glass window (at least I’m assuming that it’s bulletproof because it had wire zigzagging through it). On the other side of the window sat a nurse who pushed a drawer to me from the other side. Inside the drawer was a sign in sheet where I had to write my name and the purpose of my visit on. Security cameras watched my every move.

I signed in and the nurse retrieved the drawer with a little lever on the inside. Dubhe and I were then buzzed through the security doors and allowed into the next antechamber. This next room was also utilitarian. Indeed, it could be described as depressing. Chairs lined the room and there were no magazines or reading material. Another large bulletproof window lined the wall where the nurses stood behind the glass looking through it to the people waiting on the other side.

There was another metal tray which the nurse pushed through the wall to me as she said something through a microphone. I couldn’t hear her at all, but saw a clipboard in the tray which asked for my medical history. I filled everything out and sat back down nervously. Three other women were in the room with me as well as Dubhe. Dubhe was the only man present and I will note that he was the only man present for all of the visits except for the one on Friday.

We waited another 15 minutes or so after I filled out my paperwork and I had enough time to take a good look around me. Behind the bulletproof glass was a series of security cameras which took in every angle on the parking lot and the security room I had originally passed through. The room I was waiting in now had no windows save for a small rectangular one near the ceiling; it too was covered in bulletproof glass. It’s safe to say that I was very aware of the security measures that were in place. A few minutes later the door opened and I was ushered into the next room.

This next room was completely different from the other rooms I had thus far seen. Where the others were obviously designed for security this back room was set up more like a ‘normal’ doctor’s office. A small waiting room was at the center and a short coffee table sat between several chairs, magazines graced the top of the coffee table.

Dubhe and I went back and I submitted a urine sample. On that first visit they did a vaginal ultrasound to confirm the age of the fetus, as we had suspected it traced back to the condom breaking on September 15th. The pregnancy was at 6 weeks, but the gestational age was at 4 weeks (the pregnancy date is from the first day of your last period, not from the date of suspected implantation so the pregnancy date was approximately two weeks older than the actual age of the fetus). The nurse who performed the ultrasound was very gentle and very, very kind. In fact, she put me at ease almost immediately and I didn’t do that ‘freeze-up-and-clamp-down’ thing that I do during almost every exam of that sort I’ve ever had.

She asked if I wanted to know if she saw multiple fetuses to which I nervously responded, “No way! I can’t take care of one, two of them won’t change my mind” she laughed as well and proceeded with the ultrasound.

After that I had some blood work taken by another nurse who was very adept at finding the vein on the first try then Dubhe and I went into another room to listen to the counseling session. The nurse who counseled with us gave us our options and I explained that I was interested in the Mifepristone rather than the surgical abortion. We discussed the pros and cons of all the procedures. She asked me a few times if I was sure that this was what I wanted and I vehemently said “Yes!” I explained the nightmare I’d experienced thus far and she was clearly frustrated by the roadblocks I had experienced.

I had to listen to a recording by the doctor before being released and having another appointment scheduled for the following day.

The next appointment was a short counseling session with the doctor who was exceptionally friendly and sweet. We talked a bit and she explained that there was a 24 hour waiting period during which I’m supposed to ‘think it over’, she then explained that by law she had to tell me that. I responded by laughing and saying, “Yeah sure, as if I’ve thought about anything else since I found out I was pregnant”.

This caused her to laugh heartily for a few moments and she rolled her eyes and said, “I know, every woman who comes in here has spent way too much time already thinking about it.” After about 15 minutes with the doctor I was released again and yet another appointment was made for Friday. It was then that I’d get the pills. I was told that on Friday Dubhe could not accompany me into the back for the pills and so forth, I assume that this was yet another security measure and so we smiled and signed the consent forms and so forth and we were released again.

Friday morning I went back, I was warned of the possibility of protestors on Friday and had to sign an acknowledgement of this when I left on Wednesday. We pulled into Planned Parenthood at 8:00 a.m. on a rainy, cold day. Apparently protestors love life except for when they have to get wet while loving it. The parking lot was empty, and I smiled happily to myself while chuckling over how a little bit of rain and cold kept them away like the plague.

We entered and I hugged Dubhe and left him in the waiting second antechamber while I went into the waiting room. I was given the first dose of medication, Mifeprex, which served to make the pregnancy unviable. I was given FAQ sheets by the bunches as well as instructions for how to use the remaining medication.

I was given Doxycycline (an antibiotic) to take for 7 days to prevent infection as well as a bottle of anti nausea medication, 4 tablets of Misoprostol and an Rx for Tylenol with Codeine. I was told that there would be few, if any, noticeable side effects from this first dose of medication. I was instructed to take the Misoprostol the following morning to begin the process of expelling the fetus which would already be unviable by the time the expulsion began.

Dubhe and I spent a nervous night on Friday. My mother had come up to help us through this entire process and we chatted lightly about how awful it was that the place was virtually Fort Knox. She recounted stories about the pre-Roe days and told me how my aunt nearly died from an illegal abortion. We discussed politics surrounding abortion and my mother nearly choked on her tea when she read the hate mail I have received over all of this. She was almost in tears as she shook her head in confusion that so many would wish her daughter death for the crime of having sex.

She was offended that others would seek to condemn me so readily, of course, my mother is fully aware of my health problems as well and looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes as she said, “BB, you could die if you had a baby? Why would perfect strangers want you to die?”

This launched a long discussion about feminism, misogyny and punishment through forced childbearing.

The next morning (Saturday) I awoke from a restless sleep and began the morning regime. I had been instructed to take another antibiotic in the morning, followed an hour and a half later by the anti-nausea medication, a half hour after that I was to take the 4 tablets of Misoprostol and place them between my cheek and gum and allow them to dissolve.

Around 11:00 am I put the Misoprostol in my mouth and waited for it to dissolve. I began to bleed at 1:00 pm though the cramping began long before that. Indeed, I was cramping before the tablets were completely dissolved.

The cramps were severe and I was very glad for the Codeine, although it put me a bit out of sorts and groggy which wasn’t exactly what I wanted either. Despite the pain I wanted to continue to move around, my mother is a nurse and she backed up everything I had been told about laying prone. I had been advised at Planned Parenthood that walking around a bit would help the process move faster and would also result in smaller clots.

My mother and Dubhe monitored my temperature and Dubhe talked to me when the cramping became severe. In some ways it felt much like labor, although not as brutal as laboring with a full term pregnancy. It was painful but it came and went, sometimes it hurt pretty badly and then it would kind of fade away for a little bit.

At 1:45 I passed a large blood clot. It was about the size of a ping-pong ball although that’s a rough guess since I didn’t actually see it. It fell down into the bottom/back of the commode and was lost from view before I could even see it. The clots became a bit unnerving, not because I was worried about life or because I felt guilt or anything like that but because, well, passing large blood clots is bound to be unnerving to anyone *smile*. However, after the first large one there were no other huge ones.

I cramped for quite awhile and passed clots ranging from pea sized up to ping pong ball sized although none compared to the first one. Gradually the cramping eased and I was able to sleep for a bit while Dubhe ran to get us some take out. All in all most of it was over by about 4:30 pm and while I had a few pretty bad cramps after that time they became steadily lighter. I dosed up again with Codeine before bed and slept like a rock.

Overall the cramping was much stronger than I expected and it even surprised me at times with its intensity. For me, the cramps were far worse than the cramps associated with a normal period. The bleeding was lighter than I expected and the clots were more numerous, although smaller than I had expected. Sunday I was exhausted all day, my body ached, particularly my lower abdomen where my uterus is. I passed a few more clots on Sunday but the cramping was gone and the clots were about the size you would get with an average period. The bleeding had quieted quite a bit although I was told that this could vary from woman to woman.

My mother made sure I was ok in the morning and then she left to get back to my father. I was glad for her presence.

Dubhe and I spent the day chatting and hanging out on Sunday and I hugged each of my children who were all aware of what was happening with mom. They all told me they loved me and they were glad that I was ok.

I’m not supposed to ride the horses for a few weeks or engage in any heavy lifting which will be tough not to do since I’m very active however I’m still pretty tired today though the soreness in my belly has subsided quite a bit. I feel no guilt at all and there has been no ‘buyer’s remorse’ as it were. From the beginning of this, for a multitude of reasons, I knew I could not and did not want a pregnancy. The process was tough on my body and involved some pain but it was well worth it.

 

In January Dubhe will be eligible for his health insurance to cover a vasectomy; we’re looking forward to that with great anticipation. Overall, this has been a learning experience for both of us and I can quite safely say, with complete sincerity, that anyone who says, “Women use abortion for birth control” has never, EVER had an abortion.

That notion was dispelled for the complete idiocy it is within a half hour of the cramps starting. It’s likely that having been through this procedure myself I will personally wring the neck of anyone who is stupid enough to suggest that particular fallacy around me ever again. I can firmly say that I do not believe that any woman uses the equivalent of a jackhammer to the guts followed by bleeding and clotting as well as no intercourse and ‘light duty’ for several weeks as birth control. The notion is completely absurd and it’s disgusting to me that the forced birth movement has tainted abortion so much that a generally held belief is that you can have one and it’s just like taking a pill or slipping on a condom.

Now, however, I’m tired so I’m going to close this post but I’ll apologize first for the typos. I haven’t spellchecked this and I don’t intend to.

~BB

Waffles and Abortion

You know, I hear many forced birthers cite time and time again that abortion, EC and so forth are ‘bad’ because of the poor little baby. Often times these folks are of a religious bent and they try to guilt women by telling them that the ‘baby’ is just as good as a breathing human being. 


Now, I have many, many reasons for being (as one blogger put it) radically pro-choice. Some of these reasons carry different weights on different days. Clearly, one of the biggest reasons is because without reproductive freedom for ANY reason women aren’t free. My feminism ties very closely with my radical pro-choice views. My views on the environment also ties in closely with my pro-choice. I am not a moderate pro-choicer by any stretch of the imagination. I’m all for RU-486, or the abortion pill, being available to any woman who asks for it with no questions asked hell, I’d advocate over the counter sales if there are no health risks attached.

From actual mechanical abortions to Mifepristone (abortion pill) to EC to plain old birth control, at any time during the pregnancy and with no questions asked (other than actual medical questions) I’m pro-choice. One could say I’m ardently pro-choice, or even rabidly pro-choice *grin*.

One of the many reasons I’m pro-choice is due to my spirituality. I hear a lot of talk about the souls of these 2 week old ‘babies’ from the Christian camp who tend to believe that god on high has given someone a ‘miracle’ when he ensouled a fetus. Now, I don’t usually post about my own spirituality on this blog but some of you have heard me allude to my spirituality in a joking way over the EC thing and I’ve received several emails asking me about it so I’m going to go ahead and bite the bullet and tell everyone what I think about fetus’s and souls. Hopefully I can give everyone a good laugh while I’m at it and make everyone wonder if I’m serious or not *wickedgrin*. What follows is my interpretation of souls and babies and why abortion is a good thing.

Ok, let’s assume for a moment that all the religious types are right; let’s assume that humans and every other living organism has a soul. So here we are, a bunch of souls running around in human suits (or dog suits, or fish suits or whatever…souls aren’t just for humans you know *wink*). We’ve got our human suits and when we die we turn back into fun little blobs of spiritual energy, our souls are released from our suits when we die.

So, at the moment of death our souls just sort of leak out of our bodies and we’re just a ball of light that runs around all pure and happy and stuff.

Now, if you’re a Christian you may believe that you get whisked off to heaven or hell or wherever you’re supposed to go. If you’re a pagan you likely believe that you jump into another body and start again in a fresh suit. If you’re an atheist you believe that you just kind of blink out, but if you’re BB you believe that you kind of zip around creating as much havoc as possible.

Heh, let me explain. Here’s my theory:

Souls are like waffles! Yep, that’s right; we’re all like a great big bunch of cosmic waffles made up of all these little squares. Now, through our lives we are soaking in butter and syrup. Now normally we’d like a waffle that has lots of butter and syrup but for the purposes of my spirituality we’ll assume that butter and syrup are bad things. For the purposes of this analogy butter and syrup make our waffles mushy and unpalatable.

So, all our lives we’re soaking in butter and syrup. Now, some of us are big waffles and some of us are small waffles, like those tiny little waffles that are on the kids menu at restaurants. The reason that some of us are small waffles is because we may have become too soaked with butter and syrup to be a palatable waffle anymore. When this happens we have to undergo a painful ‘dewaffling’ process in which Mother has stripped us of the icky waffle squares and, being the master recycler that she is, recycled them and left you with however many squares were salvageable.

In any case, when we die our waffles sort of leak out of our human suits and we realize that we’re waffles once more. Normally we get really happy about this and say, “Awesome man! School’s out! It’s summer break!” and we prance around excitedly at the whole new world before us. We see all these other waffles kind of hanging out and having fun and we buzz away from our now defunct human suit and begin hanging out and having fun along with them.

We take a quick inventory of how many squares we have, sometimes we may have lost squares and sometimes we may have gained them, but then we’re off to party with the other waffles that are buzzing around.

Now, if you’re one of those gigantic belgium waffles you may hang out at slumber parties and make Ouija boards move on their own. Or maybe you’ll slam a few random doors and freak people out, who, after all, are still trapped in their human suits and have forgotten that they too are waffles. The bigger waffle you are the more fun you can have.

But there is a drawback. See, our human suits are also important. They act as a ‘battery’ that keeps us running and once that battery goes out you’re on borrowed time. If you’re a bigger waffle you’ll be able to have a longer summer break because all those nooks and crannies tend to hold more of a charge. But if you’re a smaller waffle then your summer break is shorter (maybe you have to go to summer school, I don’t know) the point is that if you’re a small waffle then you don’t have as many golden brown nooks and crannies that you can subsist on indefinitely.

Eventually all waffles become weak and then, a ‘miracle’ happens.

But before we can talk about the miracle we need to turn our thoughts to a newly impregnated female. When a female (whether that’s a human, or cat or even a housefly) is impregnated it changes her waffle signals. Once that little zygote is formed the waffle in the woman suit becomes a bit like a magnetic waffle. Yep, that little zygote needs a waffle to fill it and thus it begins to act like a magnet.

Now, here we have this woman kind of running around in her human suit but her energy has changed and now she’s a magnet and she’s running around oblivious to all the waffles who are hanging out at the pizza shop and enjoying summer vacation.

So this newly zygoted female is buzzing around and all the waffles are going, “OH SHIT! There’s a magnet! Get out of here! Run! Run!!” and the waffles scatter and bolt because they’re all having fun fucking around with slumber parties and passing themselves off as the Christian god to good pastors around the world (where do you think all those prophecies come from and the idea of the rapture? It’s really waffles talking to waffles in their human suits! Waffles are quite amusing when they realize what they are)

And so when a magnet shows up the waffles all bolt as quickly as they can. They run screaming from slumber parties and away from haunted houses as speedily as possible. It becomes a virtual waffle stampede! And this is where it gets fun.

As the waffles are running away screaming “The fuzz is here! Run! Run!” the bigger ones manage to outrun the smaller ones. And when the smaller and weaker waffles are too slow or too busy to notice the magnet coming their way they get sucked into the woman waffle whose energetic signature has changed with stupid sperm. Now, I think that the size of the woman waffle also plays a part in it. Maybe, if the waffle inside the woman suit is a big waffle, she can suck in the big waffles. I’m not too sure about this point and I haven’t given it much thought. However, the ‘miracle’ inside of the zygoted woman is more likely to be a busted waffle who couldn’t outrun the fuzz than an actual willing participant.

See, being a waffle is a bunch of fun. Hell, who wouldn’t want to scare people or talk people into believing that you’re a god or a faerie or dead Aunt Martha? And so the actual desire to be stuck in a suit again is pretty low. Most of the time waffles don’t want to go back to school, at least not until they’re ready. Now, the discerning waffles among us will realize when they’ve all but used up their battery and before they get sucked into another waffle they make a choice and they jump willingly into a waffle of their choice. But too many waffles get carried away with summer break and they party right up until their last night at which point they get sucked in anyway.

The problem is that there are way too many zygoted people running around and the poor little waffles can scarcely enjoy their well-deserved summer break without being sucked back in.

The good news is that we have abortions which give the waffle another shot at having fun. When we get abortions we release that poor waffle-napped waffle and free the little sucker so that she can continue to wreak havoc with Ouija boards around the world.

 

Unfortunately if the waffle was sucked into a woman waffle that has been seeping in the butter and syrup of Christianity then the poor waffle-napped waffle doesn’t stand a chance. And so the waffle is stuck in the zygote but it takes a long time for our waffle to forget how cool it was being a waffle and it remembers how much fun it had pretending to be Aunt Maude or making dishes fly out of cupboards and so it voices its frustration at being trapped by kicking relentlessly inside of its little waffle prison (human or animal uteri *grin*).

And then, when that waffle is born in a brand new human suit it screams and cries for no apparent reason because all of us old waffles stuck in our human suits have forgotten how much fun it is to be a waffle. The newborn baby is just pissed off and trying to tell everyone just how much it sucks that it’s stuck in another human suit.

Unfortunately the baby forgets soon enough, it’s like a coping mechanism for waffles because if they remembered just how much fun it was to be a waffle free of a human suit then all humanity would be committing suicide at the age of two. And of course that’s not good because then all the waffles are just running around with no Ouija boards to fuck around with and we wouldn’t want that!

Now, everyone has been both male and female waffles so one time you may get to be a magnet (which, after you die you remember and you laugh about) and the next you may get to be a waffle that runs scared from the magnet. It’s like a big game of waffle tag wherein sometimes you’re “It” and other times you’re “Not It”.

So you see, the ‘miracle’ of pregnancy is really just a waffle-napping *nodnod*, some poor waffle was just minding its own business when it got sucked into a magnetized waffle. To most waffles abortion is a boon because being stuck in human suits is uber boring compared to the fun you can have as a waffle.

The moral of the story? Think of the waffles, have an abortion.

~BB

Post Script:

The best part of this post is this: Is it satire? Or is it real? Is BB simply pandering to the trolls? You decide. Either way, I think that starting a ‘think of the waffles’ campaign is a good idea *nodnod*

Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 2:09 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Reflection Time

First thing I want to say is thank you to everyone for your comments on my post yesterday. The outpouring of support made me feel much better. Now, on to an update. 


I finally found somewhere who stocked Plan B yesterday via a link from Manxome (thank you so much for the link; I had all but given up on Plan B at that point). I called the clinic and explained the situation to them. They were helpful and kind and went out of their way to try and alleviate the need for me to drive to them. When I explained how far away I was they tried to route me to alternate clinics that may have a doctor on hand that day. The hope was that they could patch me through to a sister clinic where the doctor would just call in a prescription for me to my local pharmacy thus alleviating the need to drive the hour and a half to them.

Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, we were unable to locate a sister clinic with an on site doctor yesterday. With this in mind I called Dubhe at work and told him the deal. He left work early because, as he said, “This was something that involved both of us and I’m not going to have you be the only one who has to be inconvenienced by this”. Well, clearly *I* was forced to take the brunt of the inconvenience due largely to biology and my desire to take this into my own hands. However, the gesture was appreciated and so after he got home we both drove the hour and a half to get the EC (He’ll be working late today to make up for the time off yesterday).

The clinic was suitably far away although it was in a town that I’m slightly familiar with. We made good time and I was pleased that the trip there took and hour and ten minutes instead of the hour and a half I had anticipated.

I drove and did a lot of thinking and talking while driving. With the light at the end of the tunnel in sight I was able to think and, well, breathe again two things that I welcomed with open arms. Since this entire ordeal began I have been unable to either think or talk so it was nice to find that I was calming down enough to do both.

In either case the clinic was kind and helpful and after filling out a paper which asked me a few medical questions I was given the medication and I left. It cost me $20 + gas which is a far cry better than a $100.00 co-pay at an emergency room that may or may not give me the medication I needed. I took the first pill in the car and quickly ate a banana to go with it. It was then that I began to really stop and think about this entire experience and you know what? The things that popped into my head confused me and, quite frankly, surprised me.

Now, on Friday night when the condom broke Dubhe was a nervous wreck. He apologized profusely over and over again and I explained to him that I did not hold him responsible. We had practiced safe sex and it was just one of those things that sometimes happen. Saturday morning upon waking I called the pharmacy and thus began the long and horrible weekend.

I found that my confidence and good mood of Saturday morning was being quickly replaced by a feeling of badness and it wasn’t until I was driving home yesterday from the clinic that I recognized it for what it was. Something strange happened when I was being interrogated by these nurses and ER’s and so forth, I became ashamed of myself and feared that I had done something wrong.

This came as a surprise to me. Me? Ashamed? What the fuck was I ashamed over? This made no sense to me at all so I began to look at the events from the weekend. A pattern emerged that troubled me greatly; a pattern of trying to claim all the blame of what had been an accident. I looked closer at what I was feeling and as I did I found that there were some odd as fuck fears down there.

For whatever reason the more clear it became that getting Plan B was not going to be easy the more I began trying to take on blame that was not mine to take. This ‘blame grabbing’ resulted in feelings of fear, resentment and insecurity. I had spent the weekend thinking to myself, “Geesh, I should have read more about condom use. Maybe if I had done something more I could have prevented this” and that compounded with a desire to not let on to Dubhe just how badly I was being affected by this. Thoughts kept swirling through my mind and the more these thoughts swirled the more I remembered the questions I got from the hospitals and health care providers. The more I thought of those questions the more I tried to grab the blame and foist it onto my own shoulders.

I suddenly found myself spinning my wheels. I wanted to absolve Dubhe of any and all culpability. The more hurdles that appeared before me the more I wished to isolate him from all of it. The more uncomfortable it became the more worried I became that I would be punished or reprimanded. I found myself apologizing for shit that I became angry at myself for apologizing for. I remembered that on Sunday as I was biting my lower lip and twitching and fretting Dubhe said, “Are you ok?” and I responded by apologizing for being such a horny person.

He was puzzled by my reaction and shook his head in confusion before telling me that I’m not a terrible person and that this was an accident. Even as I apologized for some supposed wrong I had foisted onto myself I was angry at myself for saying something so ridiculous to begin with. As I spoke the words or thought the thoughts my warrior screamed, “What the hell are you doing? This isn’t your fault! Why are you so worried about making sure that you don’t inconvenience him? BB, wake up!!!!”

I didn’t say anything like it again but I thought it anyway. These thoughts, whatever they were, were not my own. I knew that there was some mechanism that was causing this terrible fear and worry and I knew that these ideas were not in keeping with what I believed but I didn’t have the presence of mind to think about it. All I knew was that I wanted to shelter him from the inconvenience of what I was going through.

Finally, on my way back from the clinic with the pill working its way through my system Dubhe looked at me and said, “So, do you feel better? Do you want to talk about it now? What was going on with all the self-blaming BB?”

And for the first time since all this began I breathed and thought and suddenly everything made sense. My reaction to this situation was not an overblown, hysterical reaction which was entirely out of left field. Rather, it was the very logical reaction to a society which has made an art out of foisting all responsibility onto women. From the responsibility of reproduction and birth control and subsequent raising of children to the responsibility to not ‘get raped’ and so on.

Indeed, my reaction was not unforeseeable; rather it was perfectly in keeping with what society has taught us from birth.

If you inconvenience a man you must be held accountable. Everything and anything that happens in a relationship must be the fault of the woman somehow. The admonitions to myself of, “I never should have gone off the pill” were yet more ways of taking responsibility for something that wasn’t my fault. But what was driving this frenzied state? I asked myself and Dubhe this very important question as we were driving back home.

And then it hit me. The driving force behind all of this nonsense was fear. On some level I believed that if I made this more uncomfortable for him than was absolutely necessary then he would pull away from me. He would withhold intimacy. On some level I was scared that if I didn’t take ALL the blame for something that was an honest to goodness accident, that he would be afraid of me. Or that the blame would come back to me eventually. If I stepped up to the plate and apologized before I could be implicated then perhaps I would never be implicated to begin with.

Suffice it to say I was sickened that such fears were still able to be aroused in my feminist brain. What the fuck does it say about me? I’m still pondering the ramifications of knowing that these types of fears are still apparently in my mind.

However, what I’m not questioning is that this society does indeed want to put women’s feet to the fire for shit like this. Thirty-four years of living in this society has trained me very well and all of the feminist beliefs and theories and talking have still not completely erased the imprint that the patriarchal teachings had on my psyche. Even when a man involved in such a thing didn’t place the blame on me and didn’t want me to steal blame from the situation I still responded with the ‘acceptable’ response.

And that, my friends, is one of the biggest reasons that this bullshit patriarchal agenda has become such a huge fucking monster. So many of us respond exactly as we have been trained when our feet are to the fire. Despite my wishes to NOT have these thoughts. Despite my disgust that they were even IN my head, I could not stop them. The fear was real. This agenda had been imprinted so completely into my head that when trouble occurred I defaulted back to it like a trained dog. I obediently (I daresay reflexively) fell back onto blaming myself for the actions of a man.

Now, neither Dubhe nor I intended this accident. We did everything by the book and followed all the rules of condom usage he was no more at fault than I was. But when push came to shove, even without prompting (goodness knows that he didn’t do anything to prompt these thoughts in my head) I still fell back onto them.

On Friday night and Saturday morning I was fine and dandy. After speaking with the hospitals I began to feel like shit until even *I* doubted myself. It seemed that many people believed that I was a rotten excuse for a human being and their doubt in me surfaced in me doubting myself. Even though I knew better.

After this revelation (which left me rather speechless for a few moments while Dubhe watched worriedly) I started getting angry. And that, my friends, is where I am right now. I’m angry. I’m angry as hell at this society that insists that it’s their job to know what the fuck is happening inside my vagina.

I’m pissed because ANY pregnancy for me will be risky. After my surgery I was told that with my fucked up cervix if I ever DO become pregnant again that I will likely have to spend it on my back in bed. That surgery in December removed a large portion of my cervix, therefore they would have to suture my cervix shut in order for me to carry a pregnancy to term. Not only that, but I was warned that I would most likely be prescribed bed rest for my entire third trimester and be considered a high risk.

I was also warned that my cervix (or lack thereof) will make fitting for a diaphragm or cervical cap risky in more ways than one. I also refuse to get a tubal libation or a hysterectomy and Dubhe is not eligible to have a vasectomy paid for for another year. To top it off hormonal birth control fucks me up beyond belief and almost inevitably, after a few months of the pill or the shot, I wind up bleeding constantly.

Who are these bastards to deny me EC based upon whether or not I was raped? Based upon whether or not I was a godless whore who was unmarried? Who the hell are they to try and make me feel like shit for not living up to whatever standards they have? If they have ‘criteria’ then why the fuck weren’t they basing their ‘criteria’ upon actual medical facts about me rather than some moral smokescreen that allows them to play god?

I was given a sharp reality check this weekend that showed me several truths that I had neglected to foresee. The first was that this society has trained me very well to compensate and indeed, overcompensate when a man has to be inconvenienced. And the second is that we have a long, long, long way to go on many fronts.

When I walked into that clinic yesterday I was a nervous wreck. I kept half-expecting the kind woman behind the counter to begin lecturing me about what a whore I was. Of course, that didn’t happen, but it serves as a stark reminder to just what this society tells women when they’re in trouble.

You know what else is odd? The fact that I felt compelled to write in this post about my attempts at preventing pregnancy. Why I felt compelled to tell everyone that I’m a high risk candidate for pregnancy and to explain precisely why I cannot use many methods of birth control. It’s odd that I should even feel the need to qualify myself (defend myself?) by explaining my own unique circumstances.

No doubt that this experience has raised many questions that I need to look at, think about and ponder on. There are many reactions that I had that I need to look at in an attempt to understand where they came from and what I can do to get rid of them.

I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that the EC wasn’t too late at the same time that I’m cursing an institution that feels that it has a right to force pregnancy upon ANY woman, regardless of her circumstances. I’m thinking very seriously about what my own reactions to this situation can tell me about inner mindsets that I still have. Overall I have been challenged and while it has shown me a few things that worry me (Why am I so afraid of alienating Dubhe? Why am I so fearful of being alone, to the point that I revert to this fear when placed in a situation out of my control?) I think that this experience can also serve as a stunning reminder of exactly where we are in terms of women’s reproductive rights. As well as shining a harsh light onto training that I have absorbed so deeply despite my best efforts to erase it.

My reactions and thoughts throughout this experience have lifted a curtain into my own fears. The knowledge that I went out of my way to take on blame and save a man from inconvenience (even though he didn’t wish to be saved) tells me some things about myself that disturb me. The fact that this sort of treatment is still given to women who find themselves in this position is a stunning reminder of just how dangerously close we are to losing any say so we have in how our bodies are used.

Even though Plan B has been authorized for over the counter sales we still see the soldiers of the patriarchy trying to keep a foothold on that control as long as they possibly can. Would anyone question the food you ate before you bought an over the counter antacid? Would anyone force you to meet their ‘criteria’ before you asked for that bottle of Tums?

 

EC has been approved for sale over the counter and women are still jumping through hoops to get it, the tenacity with which these control freaks are still attempting to maintain their toehold on what happens in my uterus is disgusting. The ingrained response that I found myself having in this situation boggles my mind and lifts the veil on just how much fucking work we have to do before we’re all safe. When we look at these events against a backdrop of rape and brutality that women suffer with everyday it adds an even deeper level to the events I experienced over the weekend.

It appears that men as a collective will not be happy until each and every living being is beneath their boot of control. Combined with the articles here and here (two tiny little posts that I’ve been thinking about in a sea of violent news) we start seeing a bigger picture. When I take a look at my experiences this weekend with a system which seeks only to place as much control on me as it can and combine it with a generalized system that does the same the picture comes clearly into focus.

There is so much work to be done and so many fronts on this war. We look at the news about war, global warming, feminism, racism, and we see a common thread. That thread is that the collective that calls itself ‘mankind’ (and I will take them literally to the word on this one. They want ‘mankind’ they got it…I’m speaking exclusively to the collective of men with my usage of this word) is unhappy unless they are in control of everything. Control, violence and fear are the patterns that they have stuck to for so many thousands of years. Too few of them step forward to mark themselves as ‘different’. Too many of them wish to sit on the fence, being sympathetic to the issues that the collective mankind have caused and yet refusing to stand up and fight against the systems which allow them such power.

The threads of destruction, violence and domination over all life follow mankind through all of his bloody history and every day countless people are touched by it. Some more subtly, like my quest for EC this weekend, and some more violently like the wife of the dentist who was charged with murdering his wife. Some of mankinds victims are subtly affected while others are more outwardly affected but all of them are victims of the seemingly collective desire for control, power, and destruction that appears to run through the collective beating heart of mankind.

As for me. Well, I have some thinking to do. This experience has brought many of my own ideas and inner fears to light from my reactions to my thought processes to the reactions of the institutions around me. Lots of food for thought and, over the course of the next few weeks, I hope to post on some of the things I have learned and what they’ve taught me.

~BB

Who’d have guessed…

 

That my pissed off ranty post over the trouble I had trying to get Emergency Contraception when a condom broke would invoke so much interest. I am utterly and completely stunned at the outpouring of support that has been given to me.

So, I’ve been doing a little of this and a little of that the last few hours and I popped back in to un-mod some comments and damn, was I ever surprised at what I found. Apparently my article was also linked by Boing Boing and I sat looking at the tons of comments that had appeared over the course of the last few hours with a look of stunned gratitude on my face.

Now, that’s not to say that before this time I wasn’t surprised. I had quite a few emails over this whole thing all of them were supportive and kind, I also got an email from a very nice woman at NARAL who wanted some information about the hospitals and doctors that denied me. She also sent me a link to a very informative site about a study that had been done in my state. Apparently only 2 hospitals in my entire STATE will give EC to any woman who needs it and 24% of the hospitals won’t even give it out to women who have been raped.

Anyway, almost every comment on that thread has been kind, thoughtful and supportive and to all of those people I say Thank you. Thank you for the support you have so freely given. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that so many have left such wonderful, kind and supportive comments.

However (isn’t there always a ‘however’ or a ‘but’?) not everyone has been supportive, with my powers of moderation I have largely kept the few comments that have been nasty and spiteful from getting through into the general comments. I deleted one or two at the beginning of this because I already felt like shit after what I had to go through to get the pills to begin with. However, I have kept the most recent ones and while I don’t usually post trollish comments I have decided to do so here because all of these comments will illustrate something much better than I ever could.

So now, without further ado, the Hall of Shame….or rather, those people to whom I give a great big happy “Fuck off” to.

Now before I start I want to remind everyone that this is not an abortion we’re talking about here. Rather these responses are directed at a woman who already has three children and who is barely scraping by as it is. These comments are directed to a woman who used responsible methods and who, if she were actually pregnant, would be in a high-risk group. These are responses NOT to an abortion, but rather to a simple medication that is nothing more than a large dose of oral contraception. EC is NOT an ‘abortion pill’ and there’s still a chance that it didn’t work and I will have to take alternative choices to keep my family from losing our home and living in the streets.

My family and I are balancing on the edge of a knife as it pertains to finances. The fucked up leadership that this country is currently under has forced many people who were barely hanging on as it is into utter financial ruin. I’m clawing for a foothold right now as I slip dangerously close to financial ruin myself another child would not only make us unable to pay for our heat, groceries and the like but also my mortgage.

So, without further ado I give you the Parade of Shame. I’m going to go ahead and mark them by stating #1, #2 and so forth. Mostly because I can’t help but take a stab at some of the stuff they’re saying.

#1. My thoughts, after reading your post, led me to question why you haven’t been more proactive; why aren’t you on birth control pills or an IUD if you don’t want to get pregnant? This way you sort of avoid the morality issue by preventing a pregnancy, rather than possibly aborting one. If it ain’t a baby, then you ain’t pregnant, know what I mean?

To be perfectly honest you don’t have a right to know what’s going on with my contraception. However, because I posted it elsewhere on my blog I will go ahead and tell you.

I am one of those who cannot take birth control. Through my entire reproductive life I have been switched from one form of BC to another. My system utterly rejects it and, after a few months after starting a different pill, I begin to bleed. The bleeding steadily becomes heavier until I am bleeding non-stop. If I don’t cease hormonal contraception at that point my iron begins to drop (I’m also anemic and too much bleeding brings me big problems).

Therefore, the last prescription I had was perhaps the last one there was to give me. The pills were a lose hormone and after several months I could no longer tolerate them either.

IUD’s cost money. I have no health insurance, plus I have had most of my cervix removed and the cervical cap and other barrier methods will have little or no effectiveness on me (or so I’ve been told by my doctor). Therefore we use condoms as a means of birth control. Not that it’s any of your business and, had you actually read my site you would have already known this.

While you think rape is a horrific crime, (which of course it is) I question the thought process that does not think abortion is a horrific crime as well.

Because a fetus is not a full-fledged human being with a life and responsibilities. Unlike you I do not believe that there is even a soul in a fetus until much later in a pregnancy.

Preventing pregnancy relieves you of the consequences you will suffer, possibly for the rest of your life, if you have an abortion. That’s the problem with places like Planned Parenthood – they don’t tell you that part. Believe me, I know – from the point of view of a teenage Mom, and from counseling teenage Moms and those who are considering abortion.

I assure you that if this EC failed and I AM pregnant that I will desire an abortion like an animal in a leg trap desires to chew off its own leg. See, the problem with your morality is that it doesn’t take into account the fact that the 3 existing children I have are my top priority and another child will ruin their lives as well.

——No offense intended, just trying to pass along some common sense. ——

We cannot continue to just go around having sex, creating babies, and then discarding them like a tampon. You’re not the only one who matters in this world of ours, and by not caring about others, you yourself are the one who ends up suffering.
Good Luck.

Ummm, actually yes I can. If you want to be technical about it I can indeed run around creating babies and discarding them like tampons. And when you say that I’m not the only one that matters, I wonder if you think that my three children matter? All of my sons were aware of what was happening and every damned one of them agreed that they’d rather be able to keep our house that we’ve worked so hard for than to be out on the street with a kid.

Do you want to deprive my kids of a home? Wow, so much for caring about kids eh?

#2. I have to say it’s encouraging that Ohio doctors have the moral backbone to stand for what they believe in (not prescribing Plan B).

Yes because forcing mothers onto welfare and into the streets with existing children is soooooo moral. Fuck off shithead.

It’s also ironic that you sarcastically commented that “I found that the more hospitals and clinics and doctors I called the more ashamed I became.” It is harsh to just come out and say it, but you aren’t married, and it is natural to be ashamed when you are sleeping around outside of marriage (even if it’s with someone you’ve been with for a long time). Because it is wrong, you are ashamed. That’s pretty simple.

Oh wow, and here I thought it was just the wingnut assholes at the hospitals who kept treating me like a slut that bothered me.

Come to think of it who the hell do my horses think they are engaging in sexual intercourse without being married! I bet they feel like complete hell about themselves for not being moral because, you know, the urge to get married is a genetic urge that we’re just born with. Shame on them! Shame, shame, shame!

It really does boil down to a previous post – if you don’t want more kids, and you want the freedom to sleep around and not be ashamed when it ends up like this, get your tubes tied! It’s not rocket science, but it would help you avoid running into situations where you are forced to explain your immoral lifestyle.

Sorry, I have no desire to undergo female castration, I’ve seen the shit other women have gone through and I’m not stepping up to that plate. Not to mention the lack of insurance is a bit of a brick wall, but of course I suspect that idea never crossed your mind did it?

#3 I have no pity for you, you disgusting, filthy whore.

Ahhh, so now we see what they really think eh? Apparently I’m a ‘whore’ and that’s a good enough reason to force me to carry a child. It appears that these guys are only concerned with the fact that I had sex, that’s the only thing I need to have done to qualify for “disgusting, filthy whore”.

#4 “I was feeling ashamed at being such an unworthy dirty whore.” If it quacks like a duck, and fucks like a duck…

And yet another upstanding citizen who most likely reads the bible with that mouth. And yet again, the only thing I had to do to qualify for this treatment was have sex. I wonder what I would have been had I not even bothered to use a condom? *grin*

This next one is from a self-proclaimed doctor, he actually posted twice and both of them are really indicative of his mindset

#5 It is not malpractice NOT to treat someone. If you refuse to see the patient, there is no malpractice. Malpractice only exists if there is an established doctor-patient relationship. That’s why those doctors didn’t want to talk to bitingbeaver directly. If they initiate a relationship, they’re liable. If not, they’re not.

Ok, I’m with him so far…guess you learn something new everyday huh? But this next line is where he screws up

You’d never win such a frivolous lawsuit, anyway.

Because of course it’s frivolous to want to make my own choices on something like pregnancy. Geesh, shouldn’t I have figured out by now that I’m just a baby making machine? It’s so frivolous to concern yourself with something like keeping a roof over my existing children’s heads. It’s very frivolous to actually think about whether or not you can raise another child for 18 years. What a frivolous thing to think about!

And here’s the good doctors second post!

I am a physician. I agree that you shouldn’t have been treated like that. However, it is not a physician’s “duty” to prescribe EC. That’s what planned parenthood is for. Donate $$ to planned parenthood so they can stay open on weekends. The ERs are already overcrowded with traumas and major emergencies, especially on weekends, so it’s not appropriate to seek EC at an ER. Remember, healthcare is not an entitlement, its a privilege.

Ahhh, I see. How about this then? The next time someone comes to the ER with a gunshot wound how about you refuse to treat them? No? Well why not? Geesh, if it’s a privilege then you should be asking the victim all sorts of questions, you know, see if he’s moral enough to be treated by you. Oh…I see, I guess that’s just different right?

#6 Oh, BB, I’m SO sorry the consequences of sleeping around have caught up with you! Maybe if you saved all the money you spend on booze and cigarettes you could afford to get your boyfriend an operation to prevent this!

Nah, I don’t smoke or drink enough to save that kind of money *biggrin*. Not to mention, the last time I checked it wasn’t illegal to smoke or to drink.

Oh and by the way, has anyone noticed the lack of talk about ‘babies’ in these comments? Most of them seem to just be pissed that I have sex. Gotta love fundies!

#7 Erm, calling a child a parasite is going a tad too far dont you think? I understand your position, but dont blame the child if you become pregnant

No, I do not think it’s going too far. If the EC didn’t work then there is no ‘child’ here, just a bunch of cells that could one day be a child. As for the ‘parasite’ thing? Well, let’s see, parasites live off the life of another without giving anything in return….yep, sounds like a fetus to me!

Not to mention my religion dictates that a child isn’t ensouled until after birth *wickedgrin*. I demand religious respect here!

Here’s the thing folks. If I’ve said something to offend you then too bad. I spent an entire weekend looking for someone to get me a medication that I needed to prevent a pregnancy. Hours of listening to doctors play god and tell me what I can and can’t do with my fucking uterus before I finally had to take a 3 hour round trip drive to a clinic that would dispense me the medication I needed to literally keep myself and my children with a roof over their heads.

 

If you think that anything I have said is offensive then shut the hell up because I for one think it’s offensive as hell that these so called pro-lifers clearly didn’t give a shit about the 3 existing lives that I already take care of and who I was trying to protect.

I also find it offensive that because I had consensual sex within the confines of a monogamous relationship with a partner of 3 years and I am still accused of ‘sleeping around’. Furthermore you sanctimonious godbags one reason I’m NOT married is because my abusive as fuck x husband has refused to grant me a divorce for years after I pissed him off by kicking him out when he beat my kids. But I guess that doesn’t fucking matter does it you sick fucks?

I also find it offensive that you assume that I believe that a fetus is a ‘baby’. Keep your Christian god out of my frigging womb. I happen to follow an entirely different religion that has no such ridiculous ideas ensconsed in it.

Furthermore, I find it offensive that even IF I met each and every one of your pre-existing ideas of who I am that it would even matter. I don’t care if a woman sleeps with 1000 partners while unmarried without using any form of birth control. The fact that you all seem to believe that your morality belongs in HER womb is fucking sick.

So take your garbage elsewhere because I will have none of it.

~BB

I love a parade!

It appears that the fuss is beginning to die down a bit and I’m happy to say that with about 360 comments thus far on the EC thread and around 50,000 hits yesterday on sitemeter only a comparitive handful of comments have been negative. I modded almost all of the negative comments out but, as per usual, I saved them in a file. 


I thought about letting the comments stay in the actual thread, but to be perfectly honest I figured that most folks aren’t going to read 360 comments and these gems make the pro-choice stance better than anything I could say. It would have been a shame to let them get lost in the shuffle when there’s a valuable lesson to be learned with them.

There’s too many of them for me to personally respond to them but I thought I’d give you a taste of the hatred that pro-birthers actually have of women. All of the comments are the original and none of them have been altered in any way. So, with that I’ll let the forced birthers show everyone, in their own words, why they’re all a bunch of sick fucks.

Here’s the parade of forced birthers.

joe: dirty whores like you are sickening.. deal with responsibility you abortion whore.

DAVID!!! :SUPPORT OUR PRESIDENT!!!! YOU LIBS JUST DON”T GET IT DO YOU!!!! JESUS WILL BE BACK ANY DAY NOW AND THEN YOU’LL ALL BE CRUISIN FOR A BRUISIN!!!!

Anonymous: Insensitive bastard WHORE!

kamakazibuttsecks: LOL!!!!!!!!

Amanda: Get your “boyfriend” to get a vasectomy. Or get your tubes tied. Problem solved.

bandit: ‘The fucked up leadership that this country is currently under has forced many people who were barely hanging on as it is into utter financial ruin.’
Right….it’s all somebody elses fault. Loser.

Michael: Logic would indicate that if you didn’t want to get pregant you shouldn’t have been screwing. You have a CHOICE not to get fucked, right? You’re sound as if you were rapped. Sex doesn’t happen on accident. You have no self control and now you have to have an abortion or a fourth child. Dumbass.

Conservative: Haha you whore! Ashamed is how you should feel.

firf jiggler: Well congradulations are in order here. Maybe if you are prego ,you will have a smart child who will grow up to be president and will change all those horrible laws that don’t allow you to kill babies.

john: You had me on your side until you described a baby as a parasite, and not knowing whether or not you are pregnant, you decided to suck down a shit load of alcohol and smoke cigarettes. It is the last paragraphs that make most people think less of you, not the sex part. And like most women like you, you want to put the responsibility of pregnancy on everyone else, but it wasn’t the doctors who made you have sex, you CHOSE to. You always have the freedom to chose, are you woman enough to accept the responsibility of YOUR choices???

aj: The Taliban would have had you stoned to death, and then let the guy go, because they had no proof that he was involved. With three children, wouldn’t be easier to get your tubes tied, rather then go through this every time the condom breaks? Now that you know what the attitude of the medical people around you is, do you plan on taking responsibility for your own actions, before it happens again? Like stocking up, as was suggested above. Or is it easier to blame others for your mistakes?

dragoon: wow most of you are horrible people. Should not have sex outside of marriage it’s your fault all this happened. Abrotion is evil and I can’t believe that you called a baby a parasite. No doubt that you are going to hell. Jesus taught not to kill. FUCK YOU!

cypher: I’m really sorry about your predicament. However, that said, I really don’t understand everyone’s position here. It is really disturbing to me to hear a living, growing, developing fetus called a “parasite”–especially since you’ve already got kids of your own.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I am “pro-choice”. I just believe that the choice comes when you decide to have sex–don’t do it if you’re not willing to accept a pregnancy. Condoms do break–the answer to that is not to get rid of the child. Contrary to what you believe, that child is *human* and without intervention will develop into a child. A living, breathing child. It’s just shameful the way people nowadays consider aborting a baby is no worse than popping a zit.

Oh, and for those of you that haven’t seen an abortion, you really should. I’ve been there for a friend of mine. Imagine seeing a glass jar fill up with a bloody fluid knowing that just moments before, that fetus was alive and developing. Had hands, feet, a heart.

America should be ashamed.

Jason: Too all you idiots blathering on here, here’s the opinion of an ACTUAL LAWYER: You’re a little slutty whore who couldn’t even own up enough to actually go see see a doctor. Thus, not seeing a doctor, means nothing ever happened. No discrimination or whatever other nonsense you feminazis wanna throw out. Had you actually gone to a doctor, they’re perfectly fine in denying you an Rx all the same. I can go to my doctor and say I need lots of crystal meth, it doesn’t mean he’ll write me an Rx for, because in reality I just want it.

It’s the difference between ‘want’ and ‘need’. Sorry you got screwed, in more ways than one.

Anonymous:
I wish that you were aborted. Get bent!

Jason: Admit to yourself you were a slutty whore, and break into a pharmacy.

hebdey1015: you are a dirty, dirty whore; aren’t you? WHORE! How much for head, biatch?

dumb bitch: What an obviously fabricated story, stupid bitch. Yes, it is George Bush’s fault you are a slut and can’t kill your baby, that’s right, ok… You obviously made this shit up anyway, what a dump loser, obviously a fat ugly chick who can’t get any so has to make up bullshit about “condoms breaking” as though you ever actually get fucked, bitch. hahahahaha

anon: There’s a really simple solution. If you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t have sex. It’s that easy. The whole (biological) point of having sex is something called re-pro-duc-tion. They go hand in hand. Suck it up and act like a responsible adult, and the next time you have any sort of sexual intercourse, have the maturity to understand what you’re doing.

dann: whaaa whaa whaaa i’ve been forced to live up to the responsibility of my actions! whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i want to have sex without reprecussions! whaaaaaaaa
solution: people have sex, babies happen. live up to the responsability. girls, you play you pay. guys, grow some freakin’ balls and take care of your share.

mark: if the condom broke he must’ve felt it…i reckon he must’ve known it broke but liked the feeling of your slippery vagina too much. sex definitely feels better without a condom – just ask this “dubh” guy (what the hell sort of name is that anyway?)

Ausblog: I am a pro-lifer who has no religious convictions at all . I didn’t need the fear of god or anything else to come to my decision, just a good sence of what is right and wrong.

You see we were all once a fetus. Is it beyond the realm of possibilities that when your mother first learned she was carrying you, she may have considered her options? What if she had decided to terminate? Would that have been OK?

You would not exist, if you have children they would not exist, and your (husband or wife) would be married to someone else. You would have been deprived of all your experiences and memories.

In this day and age with terminations being so readily available and so many being carried out, if you make it to full term you can consider yourself lucky. Lucky you had a mother that made the choice of life for you. Don’t you think they all deserve the same basic human right, LIFE?

I’m all for contraception, prevention is certainly better than termination.
Did you know you can get an implant that is safe, 99.9% effective, and lasts for three years? Just think girls not even a show for three years, wouldn’t that be great? I think too many people rely too heavily on the last option (abortion), I think if abortions weren’t so readily available people would manage their reproductive system far better resulting in a fraction of the number of unwanted pregnancies.

World wide there are over 50 MILLION aborted pregnancies each year. In America 3,500 terminations carried out every day, that’s over 1.3 million every year, 50% of all cases claimed that birth control had been used, 48% admitted they took no precaution, and 2% had a medical reason. That’s a stagering 98% that may have been prevented had an effective birth control been used. Don’t get me wrong, I suspect the percentages in Australia would be much the same.

Just a lot of unnessessary killing.

I am convinced that in the not too distant future, people will look back at many of the practices of today with disbelief and horror.

At the point of conception is when life began for you. This was the start of your existance. Your own personal big bang. Three weeks after conception heart started to beat. First brain waves recorded at six weeks after conception. Seen sucking thumb at seven weeks after conception.

memeandme: be responsible and quit whining on here, oh the doctors wouldnt give me a pill…booo hooo hooo. Either get your tubes tied or have your boyfriend get fixed. How damn hard is that? No but instead you choose to come on here and bitch about doctors not giving you a pill. Give me a break. And for everyone on here applauding you. They obviously arent thinking straight either, or they would tell you to get your tubes tied.

Anonymous: You should have given the ER a try, you raging slut! lol seriously, though. it sounds like you just phoned a bunch of clinics and, based on what you heard nurses trained in protocol say, decided ‘hell, ain’t no way the doctor’s filling my prescription, I’m going to sob now, humanity is doomed’.

you can negotiate. some doctors are reasonable people, even out in hicksville or wherever you live. most of them take their jobs really seriously with the hippocratic oath and shit. they don’t like mixing politics and practice. I would have asked the nurse if the doctor seems like the religiously conservative type.

Better yet, I would have called back your doctor, told her about the bullshit they’re giving you at the ER with copayment, dumb irrelevant questions, and everything, and ask why she’s sending you there. it’s her job and duty to care for you. if you don’t like her answer, then kindly inform her you’ll be switching doctors for her failure to care for you in this serious situation properly, ask the sympathetic nurses to refer you to a better doctor, and get that prescription.
damn

Anonymous: Doctors take an oath to save lives. In recent years it’s become hard for them to distinguish when life begins and whether or not EC violates their oath.
It’s unfortunate there isn’t a more diverse opinion among the doctors in your area but this isn’t a case of “the man keeping you down”.

The idea you would be so desperate to OD on BC is apalling. Do you understand the success rate of using BC as EC? The risk it poses to a potential life?
And what if that hypothetical baby was born? Not only would you have a kid you didn’t want but that child would probably have needs exceeding that of a normal healthy baby.

Or would you just try to pawn it off on another family?

You’re concern wasn’t a medical emergency. Pregnancy doesn’t quite rate with a heart attack. Sorry if a child doesn’t quite fit into your life plan at the moment
This isn’t a morality concern but one of ethics, there is a difference. Get off it and take responsibility for the possible outcome of sex.

You can respond if it makes ya feel better, but I won’t be back to read it.

Anonymous: Some hambeast managed to trick a lonely schmoe into fucking her, and his gunny-sack breaks. So she piles her jellyrolls into her clown car and zips around town looking for cunt pills. Of course because she lives in bumfuck Hickston and it’s infested with Christians who have no sympathy for her unmarried, child-spewing misandry, THEY WON’T SELL HER THE CUNT PILLS. For once, the retarded churchies do something right.

What I can’t wrap my head around is that some guy willingly stuck his cock into a chick who runs a blong named “The Biting Beaver”, with a graphics of a female beaver chomping a cock in half. What’s worse, the subtitle reads “Exposing the Heart of Patriarchy and Destroying It”.

WHO WOULD FUCK THIS GIRL!?

Anonymous: PWNED!! Here’s an idea, don’t be such a whore! Then, you won’t have to force poor emergency room doctors who didn’t sign up to be abortionists act like Planned Parenthood.
Idiot.

Anonymous: lol go 2 hell lol

White Male: Hey BB, you dirty whore. GET MARRIED YOU FUCKING SLUT. Have a nice day.

Bob: Reference this sentence “Oh and if I end up having to get an abortion I’ll ask if I can keep the little parasite”

Nice. I bet you’re a great mom with an attitude like that towards children. “Come, little parasites, time for dinner! Let’s all have a pre-meal discussion about how you ruined mommy’ life!”

Anonymous: I don’t understand. There was a condom involved, which implies the presence of a penis. What sort of man would fuck a feminist?

That’s all of them for the moment. I think they make the pro-choice case better than I can do myself. I did notice something that stood out as I was marking these comments down, so, being the curious mind I was I began writing down the names that people chose to use when commenting.

Now, there are a total of 32 comments. Here’s a breakdown on something I thought may be interesting.

Number of decidedly male names – 12

Number of decidedly female names – 1

Number of anonymous posters – 9

Number of ambiguous (i.e. ‘bandit’, ‘conservative’, ‘white male’ etc.) – 10

Note that there was only one person who retained a female name. Twelve commenters used decidedly male names like ‘Mark’ or ‘Jason’.

Now, it’s clear that this is but a tiny little sample on a random blog that, in the big scheme of things, is pretty damned small. You can take these numbers as you want and I won’t extrapolate a meaning to them outside of ‘hmmmm’. In any case, what IS striking is that during all of this Dubhe became completely invisible.

 

Indeed, he thought about posting something last night in regards to this phenomenon but note how none of these raging lunatics said things like, “That fucking whore, why the fuck did he let his dick out of his pants?” or, “You know that whore that fucked you should have been more careful!” Afterall, the condom was on his dick when the accident occured, so it’s odd that there are so many who wish to call me a ‘dirty whore’ when it’s apparent that Dubhe and the role he played in this, is utterly, completely forgotten.

Funny how he became the invisible man in all this eh?

Oh, I’d also like to note that I actually received several death threats via email through this entire ordeal. Not to mention the ‘advice’ I received via email that was written to sound like real advice but, upon further inspection the herbal ‘cures’ that he recommended taking were lethal. So, not only were there deaththreats but I received at least two emails that were disguised as ‘helpful’ which listed deadly herbs for ingestion. But yeah, the forced birthers have a hard on for life eh? So much for that idea. Apparently I deserve to be, in effect, murdered because I used contraception.

The reason I mention that is because I want to warn women out there. If you ask for advice on matters like this and someone sends you something then please, please, please check out the voracity of the claims. Be safe my friends because some of these guys really want you dead for wishing to control your uterus.

Also, there was another interesting comment that I meant to attend to but it has become lost in the shuffle. It was from someone who brought up a very good point which, during the process of defending myself, living my life and so forth, I neglected to mention.

This commenter mentioned that this planet is already so overpopulated with humans that we’re destroying everything and they noted the absence of this reason in my posts. I want everyone to know that this is yet ANOTHER reason that having a kid is out of the question. This planet is suffering the plague of humanity and this push for reproduction is going to overwhelm this world entirely at some point. I’ve contributed to this problem three times and while I very much love my children I have also decided that I will not be bringing another person into this already stressed global ecosystem.

Also, I wanted to note that in the flurry of comments I think I let through a few comments in other threads that I wouldn’t normally approve. I got overwhelmed and a few times I just glanced at the comments and approved them without actually reading them.

The other thing I wanted to mention was that some people wrote to me telling me to publish proof of this fiasco. They wanted names of hospitals and so forth. Now, I have actually sent these names to NARAL but I will not, I repeat, will NOT publish the names of the hospitals on this blog. Anyone who has spent any time reading what I write understands that I’m not a well known and loved celebrity. Indeed, my religious beliefs alone have gained me a stalker and I have 3-4 people who would just LOVE the opportunity to find out where I am.

The simple fact of the matter is that with these sorts of vitriolic comments coupled with the normal run of the mill cyber stalkers I have I would never, in a zillion years, publish something that someone could use to find me with. So no, I will not give you more information although, for what it’s worth, I have informed a few local people and will most likely be getting names out locally. I guess it’s just up to you to believe this story or not because I will not be putting any information out here, on this blog, that could be used to track me down.

Despite the fact that some people apparently believe otherwise I am quite happy and I have three children whom I love and adore. I’ll be damned if I’ll jeopardize any of that just to prove to a bunch of strangers that my story is true. Of course, it seems to me that the fact that there are so many people siding with the hospitals and doctors on this one should tell you something about the possibility, indeed, the reality of situations like this.

Ahhh well, I have things to do today so I need to get away from this computer. I could end this by trying to explain (defend? justify?) myself again but you know what? I don’t owe an apology or an explanation to any of these asshats and I’ll be damned if I try to make my incident rise to the level of ‘acceptability’ amoung these people. And with that, I’m off to get some shit done today.

Have a great Saturday folks!
~BB