The Hiatus Will Start After This Post

*sigh*. I haven’t felt motivated to post for several days for obvious reasons. Indeed, when I put up a quick update this morning I had planned to go outside and do a bit of garden work to clear my mind. However, I decided to delay my trip so I could read a few of my favorite blogs.

Over at The Axe Forgets The Tree Remembers I read a post by “Z”. It was a post in which she expressed frustration over how she hears fetuses being referred to in derogatory ways. Now, this post is not intended to attack Z, indeed, she makes a point that many would agree with, rather this post is intended as an explanation for the phenomenon that she has witnessed, at least on my part.

As I posted this morning the EC failed and I’m currently taking other steps while I gather the money I need to finish this thing once and for all. And you know what? Every time I think about it I refer to this fetus as a ‘parasite’, a ‘tick’ and other things I won’t even mention. Z expressed frustration and wondered why women would do this and I can answer her question. The answer may not sit well with her, or with anyone else, but nonetheless it is the truth.

I am fucking angry as hell that around every corner I am faced with people who believe that the life of this fetus is worth more than MY life, or the lives of my children.

It becomes a question of how much shit can you take before you begin to actually hate the thing in your womb. Since the start of this I have been told repeatedly that I didn’t deserve to live. I had a commenter tell me that if they ever met me they would rape me repeatedly before torturing me and murdering me in the most painful way they could (no, they didn’t tell me exactly how they planned to do this, I guess that they wanted me to leave it up to my own imagination).

I have been called a ‘filthy cum drinking whore who should do everyone a favor and stop breathing’. I have had emails sent to me in the guise of having helpful tips to cause a miscarriage but which really suggested lethal herbs. I have been given death threats, I have been called a murderer and I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been called a whore or a slut.

Just a few choice excerpts:

you dumb slut

you fucking retard

Ha ha, you’re a dirty whore

YOU DESERVED IT, YOU SLUTTY LITTLE WHORE

SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTH, CUNT

Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn slut

Please kill yourself now bitch

I hope you feel good about murdering your kid whore

Tough shit slut

You are a disgusting little shit of a woman

If I ever met you I’d fucking kill you like you murdered your baby, fucking whore

Die you fucking slut

Why don’t you just kill yourself now. People like you don’t deserve to live

Stupid whore. You spread your legs and now you want to murder a baby. I hope you get raped and murdered. Maybe then you’ll feel what that innocent life felt

This is a tiny sampling and this was the response I received at taking EC. How much can one person take before they begin to hate the thing inside of them? How many times can you listen to people tell you that you deserve to die, that they want to kill you? Or they want you to kill yourself?

How often can one person hear that a fetus is more important than their own life? Than the lives of their children? How many times can you be reminded that you are, to them at least, a sack of shit and not worthy of even living?

Am I cold hearted about this? You bet your ass I am. I’m angry that my life is apparently worth so little because I had sex. I’m angry that people would literally try to fucking murder me by sending me a list of fatal herbs via a ‘helpful’ email. And that is to say nothing about the picket lines I will most likely have to cross. That speaks nothing to the shame that this society will attempt to thrust upon me for this situation. It speaks nothing to the anger and rage I feel that the penis which was actually attached to the condom apparently becomes utterly invisible.

I resent this fetus. I resent the fuck out of the fact that something which is 1/16 of an inch long and which looks amazingly like a reptile trumps the life of a woman and her three children. I resent that this glob of cells which is smaller than a wad of snot is clearly valued more than the life of a 34 year old woman who is trying like hell to support her existing kids.

So Z, I can answer your thoughtful question. Some women treat embryo’s like parasites and say the most awful things about them and act in seemingly cruel ways because they’re fucking pissed that something that small can be worth so much more than the life they have struggled to build. And you know what? Maybe it’s putting our anger into the wrong place, I know that argument could be made, but sometimes, after you’ve heard one more person tell you that you should die or be murdered you get fed up.

When you see that pregnancy stick you understand that if you’re not willing to raise another child for 18 years and you need to get an abortion that you are about to become one of the most reviled and hated segments of society. When I looked at that fucking test and saw it come out positive I fell apart because I knew, in that moment, that I would be facing some of the most violent and horrific people out there. People who want to see me die, people who say the most vile, horrific things imaginable in the name of the ‘life’ that is inside of me.

Where is that anger going to go? When you know that you’re crossing that fucking picket line where those protestors will be screaming the same sort of shit that those commenters did, well….where does the anger go? When you understand that there are those that would fucking KILL you, leaving your existing children to be raised without a mother you start resenting that potential life more than you’ve ever resented anything before.

I know I do.

I resent that Dubhe was forgotten. I resent that I continue to get emails and hate comments because I took EC. I resent the misogynist language that people are using to describe me. I resent that there are so many that would have me put a gun to my head, or, better yet, they’d do it for me all because I had sex. I resent that something which should be so simple will require me to go to that clinic 4 times and walk through those hateful, nasty protesters over and over again to fix. I resent that while I worry about a fucking clinic bomber the man, who was wearing that condom when it broke, only needs to worry about how he will take time off of work.

I resent that this potential life is given more consideration than any of the lives that will be poorly affected by it. I resent that I need to cough up $450.00 for the fucking abortion pill and that my insurance won’t touch it. I resent that I am made to feel like I must explain myself or else face the wrath of the psychos. I resent that the same sort of shame is being forced onto me by this as the shame that was forced onto me when I was raped as a child.

I resent that if I talk to people about it, about my feelings, about my fear and my anxiety that I may very well be the target of death threats, hatred and condemnation.

I resent that so many people would like to see me hide myself because I was awful enough to consent to sex. I resent that this is an issue that, while I need, desire and want to talk to people about, I must hide from everyone because to tell them would mean that I instantly become a ‘worthless cum guzzling whore’ who deserves to be ‘brutally raped before being slaughtered in the most painful way I can think of’.

I resent that something so painful to deal with, something so terrifying and life altering is something that instead of getting support over I am condemned over. Do you know why I haven’t posted something long and thoughtful about this? Because I’m tired. I’m fucking tired. I can only be kicked back to the ground so many times before I start thinking that I need to just lay there and stop fighting against it.

I haven’t done something about it because I know the hate mail and the hateful, horrible, disgusting comments I will receive. Quite frankly I’m tired. I’m tired of weeding them out and I’m tired of seeing them. How many blows can one woman face before they begin to become angry?

And so what happens is that the malicious and horrible way that women are treated builds up inside until they become angry and resentful. What do you do in the face of such hate? You strike back. You strike back by attacking the thing that they deem to be more important than you. More important than the years you have spent building memories and building security.

Don’t think for a moment that there won’t be horrific comments and emails sent to me as fallout for this either. Don’t fool yourself into believing that it won’t happen. It will. It has and it will happen again.

So yeah, I’m angry. I’m pissed as fuck and I resent the hell out of this zygote for having more right to life than I do. I resent it tremendously and I resent that I have to have it in me one more day.

So, to all of you who wonder about the seeming cruelty of women when they speak of aborting in tones of laughter. Try to think about the hatred that they’ve experienced and understand that it is a tactic intended as a huge “FUCK YOU” to those that would say that the embryo inside of them is more important than their lives and the lives of their children. It’s the best they can do to fight back against people who want them dead. People who would seriously murder them.

Yeah, I’m resentful at this circumstance. But perhaps, to those of you who wonder why women are resentful, the more appropriate question would be, why do people feel entitled to strip these same women of all humanity and dignity for the sake of the fetus inside of them?

*sigh*. I know that this post will garner plenty of hate mail but I refuse to be shamed and to those of you who laugh and say I deserve it I say this: When the abortion pill starts working and I expel the parasite from my womb I shall dedicate it to you when I flush the toilet.

And THAT my friends, is a big FUCK YOU to everyone who thinks that this fetus is more important than my, or my children life.

Bite me.

~BB

(Z- I want to say that these last comments weren’t directed at you *wink*. I think that your post raises a question that many people have and, speaking for myself, I had an answer to it. The hateful remarks are dedicated to those people, both past, present and future, who will slam me and tell me that I’m worthless for making this decision. I hope that you understand that the anger here isn’t directed at you, but at those who have repeatedly tried to knock me down for being uppity enough to thwart them by taking control of my own reproduction.)

Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 2:13 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Responses to the Rapist Checklist

I posted the repost of the The Rapist Checklist yesterday and, as expected, there were quite a few comments that I garnered that were just teeming with indignant rage. As most of you know I don’t post nasty comments because I tire of the constant parade of trolls who shows up and needs to be dealt with. I’m unwilling to let their redundant crap go unchallenged but, after fighting the same unoriginal comment week after week after week, I grow tired of the same old song and dance.

However, sometimes I like to post their comments for everyone to see. It’s amusing to me as well as frightening that there are so many out there who simply don’t get it. In the spirit of a good roast I have decided to post a few comments regarding that post. So, without further ado I bring you a few of the unmoderated comments I received on that particular post.

Someone calling themselves “Cynical” posted an amusing comment. They reference several of the checklist numbers so I will copy and paste those here as well so that everyone doesn’t have to jump back and forth on their browsers to follow him. The original comment is in italics the quoted bits from the post are in bold and, of course, my current response is in the normal font.

Cynical says: On 13-15 Are you telling me I was raped when I was talked into it or nagged into it?

13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.

14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her “No” by talking her into it. She’s not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it’s not YOUR responsibility to ‘get’ her. You’re still a rapist.

15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn’t otherwise want it. If you say, “If you loved me you’d do X” then you’re a rapist. If you say, “All the other kids are doing it!” then you’re a rapist.

If you’re a man then the likely answer is No, you were not raped. If you’re a woman then perhaps you were. If you’re a woman who didn’t want to have sex but were frightened of what he’d do if you wouldn’t do it with him or felt as if there were no other choices, then yes, I would absolutely say that you were raped.

However, I get the feeling that this is a guy and, as such, the answer is most notably “NO”, you were not raped but of course, you already knew that you simply wanted to try and get the mean ol’ feminist with your idea of a silver bullet. You were fully aware that you weren’t raped but figured that you were the first man who ever approached me with your particular brand of logic and that you’d be able to shut me up or make me cower beneath the threat of your clearly superior logic.

Wrong.

You weren’t raped if you were talked into it and here’s why.

First off, do you ever fear being physically and violently raped if you tell a woman “No”? Of course not. You know that if you tell her “No” the worst that will happen is that she will ask a few times and then give up. Do you fear that if you raise your voice to her or even hit her if she continues to ‘nag’ you that you will be beat to death? That you will be held down against your will and penetrated? These are fears that huge numbers of women experience and fears that you will never, ever experience. The same sort of pressure for you is not there.

Secondly as a man in this society you have likely been socialized to understand that you are ‘allowed’ to do whatever you want in pursuit of getting your dick into some woman’s body. It’s clear that you don’t respect the word “No” which is a verbal boundary. Therefore, it’s likely that you have engaged in this behavior yourself since you clearly are unable to comprehend the importance of the word “No”, particularly as it pertains to females.

It’s also likely that you are/were much larger than the woman you bullied (i.e. ‘nagged’) into sex with you. Even if you weren’t you, as a male, have been socialized to be violent and ‘manly’ in your life. Violence, the threat of it, and the normalization of it, is something that men experience as acceptable during their formative years. Particularly in the pursuit of penetration.

Women, on the other hand, are unilaterally taught that violence is unacceptable and that they must never engage a man in violence.

The situation you put women into is literally a situation in which, if you decide not to listen to her repeated “No’s” she is forced to up the ante of violence, perhaps by hitting you? Screaming at you? Telling you that you are attempting to rape her? Screaming the word “NO” as loudly as possible?

You are forcing your ‘partner’ (i.e. victim) to up the level of violence, most likely going against everything that society has taught her to do from a very young age as well as breaking one of the largest taboos a woman can face that taboo being to precipitate violence against a male.

The woman you raped in this way also has a 1 in 3 chance of having been raped before and over a 50/50 chance of having been physically hurt by a male. With these other factors in mind it is far less likely that your victim would up the ante. Even if she was a woman who had never experienced ANY of these things she has certainly watched the endless parade of faceless women on television who are beaten, raped and murdered by men. These news stories are bound to have an effect, that effect will predictably be to not initiate violence against a man lest they risk becoming one of the nameless, faceless women on the nightly news.

The fact that you clearly don’t respect the word “No” as a boundary just as real as any physical boundary tells me that you very likely wouldn’t respect any boundary that she laid other than one that was clearly physical.

It is also clear to me that since it never occurred to you that a female could have a past that wasn’t what you believe it should be that you will likewise be incapable of actually understanding this argument because it would implicate you in a crime that you find abhorrent. Of course, you only find it abhorrent when the person engaging in the crime isn’t following the rules of engagement as you have decided them to be. In other words, rape is clearly only a crime when a woman is battered and beaten, not when she is frightened and says “Yes” to avoid becoming one of those battered and beaten women.

Of course, it’s also likely that you are reading this right now and are offended beyond belief because, according to you, you are a non-violent man and of course she should somehow intuit that you weren’t planning on becoming physically violent with her. Your victim(s) are never allowed to be frightened of you because it would bring into focus the actual wrongness of the act that you are perpetuating upon their bodies. As well as make you ponder on why you don’t believe that “NO” is a ‘real’ boundary.

You clearly do not respect the word “NO” and you clearly believe that she should, for whatever reason, up the level of violence to get you to leave her the fuck alone. In other words, you believe that she is responsible to stop you. SHE is responsible for making you leave her alone; she is also responsible if she fails in the expectation that she stop your repeated aggression. If she is unable to stop your violent and aggressive behavior then she must have ‘wanted’ it. If she gives in as a result of fear, worry, or perceived lack of choices when she is most likely outgunned, out-muscled and certainly out-forced by a man who has been socialized into violence then she is clearly at fault.

If she fails to provide you with a ‘good enough’ argument to ‘convince’ you to stop and leave her alone then she clearly wanted you to penetrate her. And of course, she should up that level of violence in such a way that she doesn’t offend you because then she’s in danger of pissing you off because she thinks you may be dangerous. You ARE dangerous but you hide beneath the cover that so many men like you hide behind. That cover being to ascribe power to her that she doesn’t actually have and then expect her to utilize that nonexistent power to make you stop. If she is unable to do that then she is clearly to blame and it’s a case of you being ‘confused’ rather than you bullying her for hours until she is so exhausted by repeated “No’s” that she gives in to you to hopefully get you to leave her the fuck alone. If she shows you fear and you see it mirrored in her eyes it would probably piss you off beyond recognition as it is likely doing right now.

So tell me, what exactly do you expect her to do to make you stop? Any woman that is with you must repeatedly and gently tell you “No” until you grow tired? Must she hit you with something? Does she need to give you an excuse that will allow you to ‘let her off the hook’? Why is her verbal boundary, her “No”, not enough? Why does it never occur to you that this may very well be a woman who has been either hit or raped before? Why do you feel that you can continue to pressure her for a yes? Do you think that if she says “No” 100 times that suddenly on the 101st time she is dying to have your big manly cock put inside of her? Do you believe that, even though she didn’t want you for the last two hours, somehow you are able to turn that tired “NO” into a Yes and she will love it?

 

I seriously doubt that you believe this as you are well aware that when someone is nagged or bullied into doing something they rarely, if ever, glean any real enjoyment for the act that they were bullied into. Therefore, it’s clear to me that your desire to penetrate another person’s body has absolutely nothing to do with her enjoyment, pleasure or anything of the sort. The verbal gymnastics and exhausting games that you employ aren’t so that you can penetrate her and feel a bonding with a person you consider an equal. Indeed, they are performed and carried out with the express purpose of ‘winning’ and the orgasm is simply a bonus.

No man who gives a flying fuck about women or who considers her to be an autonomous individual who is equal to them, will deliberately and continually push through a woman’s “No’s” until they get a “Yes”. The selfishness that is displayed to get her to a point of turning that No into a Yes precludes any logical thinking creature from believing that you, in any way, think of the woman you are penetrating as an equal.

Up to that point you selfishly refused to acknowledge her “No”, waltzing through her verbal boundaries and putting her into a position of risking violence against you. You forced her to play the ‘guess what you need to do to make me stop harassing you’ game.

You put her into a position where her “No” is meaningless to you and showed her, quite clearly, that you are fully capable, willing and able to continue to press her with whatever means necessary to get her to ‘consent’ to what you want to do to her. The fact that you utterly and completely ignored her “No’s” tells her that you are capable and willing to force her to either:

A) Hit you
B) Scream at you or
C) Otherwise put herself into a vulnerable position against you.

You have forced her to attempt to read your mind in an attempt to ascertain whether or not you could become violent. You clearly care nothing for her enjoyment as your actions indicate that you are primarily concerned with sticking your dick inside of her. Her “No” means nothing to you. Her tired “Yes” is all that matters.

And of course, seeing that you have grown incredibly angry with me right now for pointing this out to you, I can also safely assume that you expect the woman to also pretend to enjoy it after you have exhausted her into a “Yes”. If she lays there like a dead animal looking at the ceiling you will be mightily offended and so, she not only must put up with your incessant bullying but also, when she finally gives in, she must act as though she enjoys it. I suspect that you’re one of those guys who also believes that every woman you’ve ever been with has been brought to orgasm multiple times by penetration alone.

Here’s a clue, those screams are faked BECAUSE she knows that you’re a violent fuck who could turn into a complete monster if she doesn’t fake them.

On 29 (wedding night). Absolutely correct. Weddings can be exhausting. If it bothers you go sleep on the couch. If it really bothers you a lot, you can always go get an annulment in the morning, you aren’t ready to be married

29. If it’s your wedding night and she doesn’t WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you’re a rapist.

So clearly you believe that marriage is all about a man sticking his member into a woman. Penetration is clearly the mark of a woman who is ‘ready’ to be married. Notice also that my phrasing on 29 was if you ‘force or coerce’ her and this is the language that you disagree with.

Obviously you believe that any woman who marries you forgoes her right to say “No” to sex. Because you’ve done her the presumably wonderful service of marrying her she owes you sex and if she doesn’t like it then she can just leave. If she doesn’t want you to harass her for hours on end then her options are to either sleep on the couch or divorce you. I wonder if you tell any woman you’re thinking about marrying that you believe she has no right to tell you “No” and have that “No” be respected before you marry her?

“NO” means nothing to you, even after you’ve supposedly bonded with a woman for the rest of your life.

Evidently to you, “In sickness and in health til death do you part” translates into, “As long as you let me stick my dick in you we’re fine but don’t you dare think that that pussy doesn’t belong to me and that I don’t have a right to use it when I wish. If you don’t like it then get the fuck out.”

You could add: don’t get mad at or criticize your guy for not taking no for an answer. If you didn’t mean no, you shouldn’t have said it. Don’t try to train your guy to take no for an answer.

Yes, because clearly in your world women don’t have that right and the only type of boundary that you will respect is the boundary in which she points a gun at your head and tells you to get the fuck out of her bedroom. I love how you give yourself unilateral permission to bully each and every woman you are with into sex with you. It also stands to reason that you probably believe that you are a wonderful lover.

 

The sickest part of all is that you likely also believe that you actually love your partners, in which case your definition of love is so twisted that I can scarcely contain myself from sobs for the poor female who is partnered with you.

Clearly to you, love is all about penetrating her. And it’s not orgasm you’re seeking, it’s penetration which to you, as to many men in this society, has morphed into a quick fix for power. If it were simply intimacy that you’re seeking then kissing, cuddling and so forth would be enough to fulfill you. And if it were orgasm you sought then you’d simply masturbate. However, you are undoubtedly one of those men who has decided that each and every time you get a boner that the woman you’re with should take care of that boner.

It’s a sad state of affairs when a man can refuse to hear a woman’s pleas of “No”, coerce, nag, bully and frighten her into sex. Expect her to then like it and pat himself on the back for being such a wonderful lover when she fakes 5 orgasms just to make him leave her the fuck alone. And then, on top of all that, to make a claim that he loves her.

Clearly your actions have nothing to do with intimacy, mutual respect or mutual satisfaction and everything to do with control, conquest and ‘winning’. You chase a woman as if she were a gazelle, conquer her with your repeated and likely frightening advances, and then expect her to enjoy being devoured.

Not only that, but you believe that this is a normal expression of love or affection between two people. You ascribe a woman power that you deny her. You say that she shouldn’t have said “Yes” if she didn’t mean it but you don’t allow her the option of saying “No”. You act as though you are giving her power that you really have no intention of allowing her because the only acceptable answer to your repeated (and likely pathetic) come on’s is a “Yes”. Nothing short of a baseball bat or a knee to the groin will stop you and not only is this considered ‘normal’ to you, it is also something that women should not attempt to stop.

Talk about twisted.

I disagree with you about 46. Anybody can be crazy or lie. Someone who never met him sued David Letterman for harassment (sic) for sending her coded messages through his show. If she had claimed he raped her, would disbelieving her encourage rape?I think it is the opposite. If we encourage blind faith in everyone who says she was raped, we lose credibility when we say “I believe her”. Then they could say “so what, you believe everybody, so your believing this particular victim doesn’t mean anything”.

46. If you don’t believe a woman when she says she was raped then you’re encouraging rape.

The false reporting for rape is the exact same as the false reporting for any other crime. About 2% of rape reports are false reports, just as 2% of car theft reports are false reports and 2% of robbery reports are false reports.

Of course, I’m certain that you don’t look to your friend who has just had his car stolen and say, “I think you’re lying!” Why? Because clearly, to you at least, women are lying manipulative bitches.

There is no other crime in which a victim is immediately thought to be lying except for those crimes that are perpetuated onto females. Have you ever looked at a news report where a home was burglarized and thought immediately to yourself, “They’re probably lying! If we assume that they’re telling the truth about being robbed then we lose credibility!”

Of course you don’t because to you, as you have so aptly illustrated in your comments, women are simply a means to an end. To you, women are lying, cheating, and thieving creatures that must be treated with mistrust and violence when necessary.

Who does this line of thinking benefit? Who does it benefit when you immediately disbelieve all accusations of rape? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. It benefits the rapists. It allows rapists to walk and it allows for public opinion of rape victims to be twisted to allow for men like you to rape without consequence.

A woman who is raped is much less likely to fight you off when you walk through her “No’s” because she’s intimately familiar with the violence that men are capable of. And so, in a quest to not be physically hurt she will wearily say “Yes” rather than risk being physically and violently violated. This benefits YOU specifically and in general it benefits each and every single man who uses the same tactics as you do. In other words, you benefit and continue to defend those benefits that physically violent rapists have given you and you also see no problem with that.

You are so willing to believe men over women but yet, you don’t question crimes that occur to men by other men. Even when the rates of false reporting for the crimes are identical. You never routinely question whether or not a carjacking was real, why?

Why is it that, even though only 2 out of 100 reports of rape are actually false, you insist that women are lying and that to believe them means that women everywhere will suffer from credibility issues? Again I ask, do you believe someone when they say they were robbed? Or do you interrogate them and tell them that “Anyone could say they were robbed! You probably sold your stuff to a pawn shop and then decided that you were robbed!”

If you don’t do this then I strongly suggest that you consider why you don’t.

I was going to post a few more comments but I’ve decided not to bother. They are much the same as this guy wherein they determine, without ever having looked it up, that women are liars and that most rape allegations are false.

Why? Because they, as much of society, have placed more weight on the truthfulness of men’s words than women’s. It doesn’t surprise me that so many men in particular don’t want to see any of these things as applying to them. Of course men like ‘Cynical’ want to keep the status quo, it allows them to unilaterally and without consequence, rape women who would otherwise run like hell from them.

~BB

Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 2:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Awww, did you have your comment moderated?

It seems that the recent flap here at The Den over the EC fiasco sent a few folks shuffling through the archives and posting all willy nilly on my anti-porn posts. Of course, this is not unexpected since that most beloved of all patriarchal doll babies is pornography and any threat to the almighty power of porn (either real or imagined) must be taken as a personal assault. And so, our pornified friends have been popping in on random posts and spouting the exact same porn-defenses that I have repeatedly addressed in my many different posts about pornography and the dangers it poses to women and children.

Of course, each and every single one of these people believes that when they click on the ‘publish comment’ button they honestly have some enlightening piece of wisdom that I have never addressed. I call this the ‘Silver Bullet’ line of thinking. All of them come up with a tired old song and dance that I have dealt with ten times over but each and every single one of them believes that they have found a unique perspective on a topic which I have studied time and again. All of them are sure that they have come up with the silver bullet needed to take down this anti-porn feminist.

And so it continues. I post an article discussing, in great length, why a given argument doesn’t work. I post statistics and numbers and studies. I post government findings as well as scholarly works devoted to the subject of pornography and the damage it does to women and children. I go through my hard drive and peruse the internet looking for the newest information available to back up my claim that X excuse has been debunked 1000 times over. I wrap it up in a neat little bow and publish it.

A week later some idiot leaves a remark on a different anti-porn post giving me the exact same excuse that I debunked on another post a mere week before. And of course these folks think that they are the first ever to give me this particular excuse, they seem to believe from the pit of their indignant little guts, that they have stumbled across my ‘silver bullet’. Now, when I get these people with their self-proclaimed ‘original’ theories I roll my eyes and shake my head sadly. Their comments put me in the unenviable position of either:

1. Letting them get through moderation where theirs will be the very last comment on a thread that has been inactive for some time.

2. Refusing to unmoderate the comment and deleting it instead.

I normally decide to do #2. My reasoning is simple. I am well aware that people peruse the archives; many people stop by here on their journey through feminism. The very last thing I want them to see while they’re hunting through the archives is the half-assed comment of a twerp who couldn’t be bothered to read the gazillion other articles I have written on the topic. The last thing I want is for a budding feminist to read their tripe (which I have carefully debunked in other posts) and believe that the uniformed argument actually has merit.

Indeed, the very fact that I never addressed the comment can sometimes lead a person to believe that I couldn’t address it. And that, in and of itself, can instill doubt in the anti-porn argument for a new feminist. With this in mind I simply delete the comment whether it was a polite comment or whether it was a rude and nasty comment.

This almost invariably leads to another problem. The next day I will wake up and begin the morning process of unmoderating comments and I will, almost without exception, see this sort of thing in the moderation queue.

Well, I see that you only approve comments that you like just to make it look like everyone agrees with you. What about free speech? Aren’t you a believer in free speech?

I can almost smell the indignation and self-congratulations coming off the comment as I smile again, roll my eyes and delete these comments as well. The funny thing is that these guys always walk away believing that they have not only been unfairly moderated but also that their flimsy argument is 100% sound. They are certain, in their small minds, that they really DID find the feminist silver bullet argument.

The truth of the matter is that I have no desire to rehash the same tired argument I just dealt with a week before. The truth is that if they can’t be bothered to read the many links on the sidebar or, at the very least, the tons of articles I’ve done on the topic then I can’t be bothered to engage in the same debate with them particularly when I’ve already debunked their argument weeks before.

So, here’s a message to all of you who feel so put out that BB didn’t post your comment. If I didn’t post your comment to a post it’s because I’ve already addressed it in another post!

See, here’s the deal. I’ve already heard your argument and defended myself against it in a post that most likely took me hours to research, cite and organize. I’ve spent hours of my time and hours looking up statistics, personal accounts, scholarly articles and so forth and I’ll be damned if I’ll go through it all again just because you’re too lazy to look it up.

In the first three months of running this blog I debunked every pro-porn argument more times than I can count and, to date, I have not found another original argument.

See, here’s the deal. I’m not going to lead you by the nose through feminism. I have no intention of arguing the exact same point that the last fly by night troll handed me a mere week ago. If you want to post a pro-porn argument on one of my old (or new!) posts then don’t even bother until you’ve checked the links to the many anti-porn sites on the right side of the page AND the archives links to old posts on the left side of the page. If you really want to argue with me about pornography at the very least you must inform yourself.

I will not debate a point that I have addressed time and time again. I don’t care how polite you believe your comment to be, if I have addressed it I won’t be posting your comment. If you have a truly original argument (very, very unlikely) then I will take a stab at it however I will warn you that I haven’t seen a ‘new’ argument in years.

Time and time again I put my effort into constructing logical posts that take hours to research and complete. As a body of work this entire blog has, at some point or another, dealt with whatever ‘unique’ and ‘bulletproof’ argument that you have posed. You are not special, or brilliant or even all that logical. So, if you have posted a comment containing an argument that you believe to be rock solid and I have not approved that comment what it means is that you are unoriginal and I have already tackled your particular argument before. Indeed, it is most likely that I have dealt with it again and again and again and I won’t be your teacher. If you wish to learn the anti-porn stance then look at the links and the archives, the material is out there. If however, you simply want to argue a point that you pulled out of your ass without checking out first then be forewarned:

I’ve heard it before and I’m not going to be your personal mentor

If you have a serious argument that I haven’t heard, one that is unique and insightful it’s likely that I will deal with it, probably in its own post. But I’m not going to publish comments which detail arguments I have had so many times I’m blue in the face and I definitely won’t be leaving your already debunked argument as the last comment on a thread that is months old.

Do the research. Clearly you know how to use google and surely you know how to click on a link. Once you have read all you can read on this site and others and you’re STILL certain that you have an argument that hasn’t been covered at great length by any of the radical bloggers or incredible feminists that I’ve linked to on the site, THEN you can post and only then will you actually have a shot at getting your comment up.

So, if you’re one of the unfortunate people that I have not let through moderation don’t assume it’s because your argument is the feminist silver bullet. It’s not. It’s just that most feminist bloggers have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with your same old-same old comment that they dealt with just last week.

I hope this clears up any confusion you may have.

~BB

Ode to A Sexist

Another day another comment eh? So, as everyone knows I enlist comment moderation so that I don’t have to subject my readers to the same old, same old. To be perfectly honest the numbers of trollish remarks has declined substantially since I began to utilize moderation. Apparently misogynist assholes really get peeved when you don’t give them a forum in which to patronize, bully or talk down to women *shrug* go figure.

Anyway while the numbers of trollish or just plain silly remarks have substantially declined I still get a number of them. Most wind up in a file that I use to log all nasty and offensive as well as downright ridiculous comments. Every now and then though a special gem shows up that is worthy of a post. In this case I got a comment on a very old post of mine entitled The Asshole List. I did that one quite awhile ago and sometimes I get paleo-trolls who like to go through the archives and post something on a long dead post.

This fella was a winner and so I decided to keep it and respond to it directly. The comment is in bold…ready?

I am ::gasp:: a male

I’m sorry about your luck. On another note notice how his opening line is a perfect example of what we commonly recognize as the anti-feminist whine, “You hate men!” This is clearly illustrated with the *gasp* in the center. As if I am somehow appalled at the existence of a male within my space. As if I will suddenly embark upon an elaborate cleansing ritual involving hen entrails, sage and some Latin incantations to remove the male presence from my computer. Cute eh?

and I think you miss the greater point

Oh and so YOU think I missed the greater point? Well, since you have already claimed your male status it must mean that you’re correct, right? Of course, I don’t even need to read the rest of your statement because you’re a *gasp* male and therefore you MUST be correct. Well, golly gee my friend, I guess I should just sit down and be quiet so I can fully comprehend the brute logic of what you’re saying. What’s that? You didn’t read the rest of the site? Oh, well I’m sure you’re correct anyway.

Porn in and of itself is no worse than say watching a cooking show

*slaps forehead* Oh goodness gracious me! How could I have ever missed that stunning revelation with my puny little girly head! I forgot that the last time I watched Emeril Lagasse he grabbed that turkey and called it a good bitch before brutally fucking it while slapping it and telling it that it likes it. Yep, I clearly remember that episode in which he kept telling that whorish turkey, “You like that baster don’t you bitch? Take it you dirty bird”

How in the world could I have gone all these years without making the connection? Yesiree, you’re absolutely right. Cooking shows are JUST like pornography. Thank you for your wise words.

Before you rant and whine listen to my explantion.(sic)

*sigh* Well, I’m glad you reminded me before my hysterical woman hormones took over and forced me to ‘whine’ and ‘rant’ and perhaps even be *gasp* churlish. Oh and I’ll be sure to listen to your explanation because, as we all know, you’re da man! Does anyone have any smelling salts? I fear I shall be overcome with vapors from my fickle female hormones. Thank goodness this ever so studly man is around to tell me what the real deal is!

A cooking show demonstrates something that you may not currently do or have knowledge of

*nods enthusiastically* Yes, Yes! I see now! You’re right. I remember that one time on the food channel when I saw that show where five chefs jumped in and began fucking that bundt cake. They showed me that when I make a bundt cake the correct procedure is to be certain that the cake knows it’s place! Now, when I’m in the kitchen I scream to the batter, “You WANT that flour don’t you you saucy little slut bundt?” and as I’m beating it with the blender I tell it, “Oh shut up you whorey little bundt bitch! You KNOW you like being blended! You know you like it. Tell me how much you LIKE IT!!!”

I feel much better for that show because now I’ll be damned if I’ll let that cake get away with not knowing its place. NOW it knows who’s boss. *nodnod*

But, if you watch it enough you are going to try cooking

On a more serious note this guy shows what all the studies have proven time and time again. Men like to try out the shit they see in porn. They want to try it out themselves and, since most of the porn out there is violent misogynist hate speech, well guess what ladies? Not only that, but he will see his misogynist demands being no more harmful than a cooking show.

If you watch it with your partner and begin to criticize their cooking because it isn’t as good

This is code for, “When I watch porn I decide that I don’t like ‘plain old sex’ anymore and so I will begin to tear away at your self esteem by making you feel inferior and by criticizing you until you are a mere shell of the woman you were before. After that you will give in to whatever demands I make of you”

But no, guys know what fantasy is and what reality is…right?

Without realizing that the person who is cooking has usually very little talent

Ahhh, ok so now the porn star has no real talent to give you an orgasm. Or wait, was it the partner who had no talent? No, wait, perhaps he’s saying that cooking shows will make you criticize your partner before you decide that neither your partner NOR the chef has any fucking clue what to do. Or maybe he’s saying that dogs bark at the moon on Saturday night during a light snowfall….wait a sec. Where was I again?

And it is all handled by assistants behind the scenes.

I think that maybe at this point he’s saying that there are stand ins behind the scenes in porn flicks? Maybe there are stunt doubles for women? No, wait, that can’t be it. Well then, maybe stunt doubles for men? No…hold on a sec. OH! Maybe he’s saying that the phenomenon of fucking a woman in every orifice while cursing at her and slapping her is all special effects…you know, behind the scenes stuff.

Now, we all have to eat

Holy SHIT! He finally said something that I can make sense of! *rushes off behind the scenes to get smelling salts*

Yes, Virginia there is a drive called eating. We must eat to live *nods sagely*

And we all have sexual urges

Oh see now, just when I thought you actually had a brain cell in your head you go and ruin it by comparing the very real NEED for food to the DESIRE for sex. Ok my chef friend I’ll explain this to you because I’m really quite indulgent that way.

Food is something we cannot live without. We die without sustenance of some sort. Indeed food is something that, were we deprived of it, we would soon find ourselves six foot under.

Sex, on the other hand, is NOT a need. It is a DESIRE and while we all like to fulfill desires it is important to not get them confused. If you stopped masturbating right now and never felt another orgasm again you could continue to live.

Now perhaps you are simply not aware of the difference between a need and a desire, or perhaps you intended to deliberately overstate the importance of sex and sexual desires by comparing them, quite wrongly, to a genuine need. In either case your desire for sex is not, in any way, comparable to a genuine life sustaining need. So please, in the interest of not being labeled a complete moron you may wish to stop confusing the two intentionally or accidentally.

The diff is that we usually don’t harm others with our cooking

Oh, I get it! Mr. Clever means to make an analogy between cooking and sex! He’s stating that we don’t usually harm others with sex! Oh no, wait a sec….let me read that again. Maybe he’s saying that we DO usually harm others with sex since he appears to be comparing it to cooking which harms very few. Or maybe he cooks when he has sex? Or maybe he has sex with what he’s cooking?

Of course, if he is saying that we don’t usually harm others with sex then I have to say that I disagree. Most forms of sex involve some level of coercion and many, many women are harmed with sex. I would say that between harassment at work, on the street, with boyfriends, at bars as well as rapes by husbands, fathers, and boyfriends that lots of women are harmed by men and their sex drive.

But with sex it is not just a casual activity

Oh, it’s not? Damn, I’ll have to cross off “have casual sex” from my Friday agenda. Of course, perhaps he is saying that sex should have more weight added to it. But then he was the one who made the cooking analogy. Or maybe he’s saying that cooking isn’t casual either? Or that they should both be casual? Or none of them? Or one of them? Or that sex should be casual while cooking shouldn’t? Or perhaps cooking should be casual and sex shouldn’t? Damn, get me those smelling salts again.

Feminism has done good

Why thank you for noticing!

but

Oh no…this is code for “Everything I just said doesn’t mean shit because what I really feel is this….”. I sense a disturbance in the force…yep, yep, it’s someone getting ready to use the ‘but’ defense. For the uninitiated you never, EVER use a ‘but’ in a sentence that is meant to make someone feel better, for example:

“I feel bad that I beat the shit out of you but you shouldn’t make me so mad!”

“You didn’t deserve to be raped but what the hell were you doing wearing that skirt?”

“I like you well enough but you’re ugly and your momma dresses you funny”

You get the drift? “But” is codeword for, “You can’t yell at me because I said something nice first!”

also must take responsibility for the harm it has done also

I know *hangshead* I take FULL responsibility for my foremothers getting women the vote! The responsibility for telling women that they deserve to have their own sexual autonomy that is not reliant upon a penis is my crime. Oh the horror!. I see now how my working to give women equal consideration as men in this world has been so very harmful to the poor men like yourself who just want to cook in peace. I repent! I shall never again tell a woman that her choices and her right to be treated as a human being are valid!

Indeed, I shall start telling them that they have no business dressing in a skirt or saying “No” to your sexual advances!

You see as a male raised by a strong mother I was taught manners and respect.

Yep, I can see that by all the insults you veiled into your comment. You sir are the pinnacle of respect and manners! Miss Manners better watch her back because you sir, are bound for glory!

Of course there is also the little problem of just because you say it’s so doesn’t make it so. As well as the problem of letting a man (no wait…I got that wrong, letting a “*gasp* man”) decide what is manners and respect rather than a woman because of course if HE thinks he has manners and respect then those little bitches should just recognize it!

I hold the door for people and say please and thank you

So did my x husband who also raped me and sadistically tortured me sexually. Sorry friend, the fact that you hold a door for people and say please and thank you means nothing to me.

And told not to think of women as objects

Says the man who believes that sex drives are akin to eating. Oh no, wait a sec….there’s another disturbance in the force I predict that our friend is about to develop a case of foot in mouth disease again….

But

There’s that word again. “I’ve been told not to think of women as objects but….

We know what that means. We’re about to find out that he really DOES think of women as objects! Ready? You’re going to LOVE this….

when women sleep around and use sex as a tool it makes it harder for all women

Ahhh, I see. Not only does he think of women as objects but it’s the fault of all those women that he sees them that way. So let me get this straight. Sexual urges are like food yet when a woman acts upon those sexual urges she makes men treat women like objects?

No, wait….I get it. You think that those who have a wrinkly little elephant in their pants have urges that are akin to food but women don’t. So, you were talking about male sexual urges? Not female sexual urges? So, did you deliberately use gender neutral words to describe this? Or was it an attempt at not sounding the hypocrite you are?

Oh and let me get this straight, the reason that you’re a sexist pig is because women have forced you to use them like objects? And so because that evil, nasty little jezebel actually did what you wanted her to do (i.e. have sex with you) she made you treat her like an object?

But wait! It gets better. The other thing he accuses is that those slutty, casual sex temptresses who have no sex drive but who do it anyway are making it even harder for the good, old fashioned girls? Men aren’t doing it. No, men became invisible sometime between fucking the turkey in the kitchen and passing smelling salts to the lady who has passed out. Of course NONE of this has anything to do with men because HE is the male equivalent of Miss Manners and would never THINK of touching a woman. Indeed, it must be that all of these poor men who simply had the misfortune of being born with such a life threatening need are being tempted and tortured by the women.

And you know what the best part is….

It’s all our fault! That’s right folks, it’s the fault of feminists that this man has come to see women as objects.

Just as what one man does influences your opinion of all men

Nah, it’s not just one man. It’s the male collective. I assure you that as a woman there are lots of shitheads out there. It’s not just one man.

What one woman does helps men to rationalize that “women really want [insert item]

I see, so rape, wife beating, catcalls, sexual harassment, prostitution and sex slavery that men engage in is women’s fault? Or even better, it’s the fault of the whores in pornography? You know, the ones that you watch on your television screen but who you secretly blame for the objectification that you feel of all women. Not only that, but it’s also comparable to a woman having consensual sex

Let’s follow the logic train shall we? So, one man rapes a woman. The woman gets angry and scared of men and it colors her view of men. A man begs a woman to sleep with him, she consents and so she is responsible for that man later deciding that all women are objects. The man who decides that all women are objects then goes out and rapes a woman. But see, it’s not HIS fault. It’s the women who slept with him through the years who caused him to see women as objects. Or maybe it’s the dirty whore in porn who he willingly googled to watch…unless of course that same woman grabbed his wrists and forced him to type in ‘barely legal teens’.

By this logic rape IS the fault of women.

Polite my ass. It sure as hell isn’t MY fault that my rapist raped me. Yet, when you place women in the position of ‘gatekeeper’ they can never win.

because I saw it as acceptable behavior by another woman”

Aha! I knew it! I KNEW that men were unable to differentiate between what a woman in porn does and what a woman in real life does! Thank you my friend!

Oh, and I see that it’s also a woman’s fault if a man does something horrible because surely some woman in his past did something crazy and he didn’t have the brains to understand that perhaps not all women like it. Must be because all of his energy is going towards fulfilling his ‘need’ of sex.

Wow and he thinks that I’m a man hater. No seriously. I mean this guy believes that men are too stupid to understand that if they are with (or see) a woman who appears to enjoy being degraded or raped that ALL women will like that. Evidently this guy is saying that men are just too stupid to understand that women are individuals with individual preferences.

Note the misogyny dripping from this assumption, as well as the man hating. Not only does this guy believe that his half of the population is too stupid to understand that women are individuals but he also doesn’t believe that women are individuals.

So, given the premise that what one man or woman does represents everyone in their sex makes about as much sense as saying that because I think breasts are beautiful that I want rape women so that I can see more of them.

Ummm…what? What? *stutter stammer* ummmmm….clarify?

I think he’s saying that one person doesn’t represent their entire gender. But wait, earlier he said that women, especially those whorish women, colors all perception of women. He said that feminists have hurt women by making them think that they are sexually equal. The reason this hurts women is because when a bunch of women start thinking that they have sexual urges and then act on them that men begin to objectify them. However, now it seems as though he’s saying that you can’t judge an entire gender based on a few people. But wait, didn’t he say that HE judges women based on a few people?

Damn, my head is about to explode. And that speaks nothing about the second sentence.

Oh wait! I think I see now. He’s doing that thing again. You know, that thing where men have mortal NEEDS and women don’t. I get it. He’s saying that whorish women color the outlook of all men and force them to objectify them because they’re not being chaste enough but that women shouldn’t use that same judgment on men!

I think I get it….

You can’t have it both ways, there is no absolute freedom..except when I don’t want it

Ack. My head exploded *wipes head from computer*

Am I trying to get absolute freedom that doesn’t exist? Or maybe I don’t want absolute freedom that doesn’t exist. Maybe I don’t even know that I don’t want the absolute non-existent freedom. Or perhaps I know that I don’t want the non-existent absolute freedom which doesn’t exist because I already know that said freedom doesn’t really exist? Or perhaps the non-existent freedom is too busy teasing me with its sluttish ways for me to know that I don’t really want it? Shit, I don’t know, I’m off to the kitchen to scream at my bundt cake then I’ll feel like a real man again…er….I mean, I’ll feel like a real woman again.

Finally, the reason why violent porn exists and sells is that sex is a very strong urge.

Oh no, here we go again with the urges. So, sex and violence are synonymous with one another. Apparently because sex is a strong urge then beating women, raping them and otherwise violently violating them is also a strong urge. Presumably because our friend here believes that sex and violence are one and the same.

Or maybe this has something to do with non-existent freedoms that I don’t really want…or perhaps it has something to do with Emeril Lagasse? Or maybe it has something to do with feminists being the cause of all of this?

Or maybe I’m right and it has everything to do with one dude thinking that sex and violence can be used interchangeably.

Just like a meal of rotten fish is appealing to some but not to most

Oh goddess NO. NO. NO! Please, I beg you no more food analogies!! It’s too much!

Are you seriously saying that violent porn with its insults, hitting, slapping, raping and degradation is just as harmless as someone wanting to eat a distasteful dish? Is this what you are really honest to goodness saying?

Oh well then perhaps this will make you feel better. *whispers* “I get off on kidnapping men, tying them to a bed and castrating them with rubber bands. Then I like to slap them around a bit before stabbing them repeatedly and then forcing them to eat their testacles while I laugh maniacally through their tears and dance before them proclaiming “I am the eater of rotten fish and you will RESPECT my authoritay!!”

It’s the same thing! Really, it is! I promise it is! It’s just that I have different TASTES than you. Don’t judge me because I want to slice your testicles off and force you to eat them before choking you with a two foot salami and making you eat your vomit. How dare you question my tastes! You MUST be a woman hater!!!

The real problem is that if there exists no morality then there exists no law

No actually your ‘morality’ is defined by your non-existent male whatchamacallit in the sky. Keep your morals off my vagina you sicko!

And with no moral law, you have a very thin shard of bullshit hold back the barrier of humanity against savage animalism.

Ok, so I think what he’s saying is this: Keep your dirty legs closed you whore because lookit what you make us do when you flaunt all your girly bits.

And it also doesn’t surprise me that while he’s pumping up morality he’s also neglecting to note that perhaps it’s not all that moral to beat and rape women in violent porn. That of course, is perfectly moral, it’s those damn harlots who are immoral.

You know what amuses me the most? That he compares his behavior and his own twisted desires against animals. Heh, don’t flatter yourself my friend, animals would have nothing to do with you OR your moral bullshit.

And with that I’m off to the kitchen to flog my bundt cake again!

~BB

Published in: on May 31, 2008 at 1:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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